Desi Blogging

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2007-02-03T08:58:00.000+05:30

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Curry & Rice Girl

2006-12-31T22:56:00.000+05:30

After the Laddoo Shop, it's time for the Curry & Rice Girl (link via Sashi) -

Few times I checked the magazine ads,
I even tried in the Indian chat
Coz I really want to find the right girl,
I want a curry and rice girl.
I asked my dad and I asked my mom
Put my biodata on Shaadi.com
Coz they want to find the right girl,
They really dont want a white girl.

My favorite part is where the prospective bride turns out to be a man.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Holla Back Girl, Desi Videos

How to Spell Sloppily

2006-12-31T21:32:00.000+05:30

India's biggest bookstore chain cannot spell right! PrufrockTwo posts pictures of misspelled author's names at Crossword Juhu.

Amit is at his sarcastic best in a related post -

Any young, minimally educated Indian can now get easy jobs in the BPO industry that pay far more than what Crossword can afford for its sales staff. As a result, Sriram used to find it almost impossible to hire attendants who actually knew anything about books. Now it would seem that Crossword can't even hire managers who know how to spell. Sriram's strategy was to make up for this with ambience and a friendly environment at his stores. It works because most of his customers presumably don't care about spellings, and don't want the breadth and depth on display that PrufrockTwo and I would wish for.
I'm sure Mr. Salman Rushidie will not be very amused by his new spelling!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sarcasm, Books

Playing Games at the Coffee Shop

2006-12-31T21:09:00.000+05:30

The Devil loves a wicked love story and this one by LivingHigh at Caferati is so wicked that it's sweet -

The key to good flirting is confidence. If you have that, even the corniest of pick up lines will not let you down. And of course, he knew it. He'd been doing this forever. He was a player. Keen and sharp, with a seductive smile on his lips that all the candidates who met him here for coffee would ache to reach over and kiss, but would hold themselves just back. He knew how he did it, even though they didn't.
Clothes are terribly over-rated in the sense that she never bothered to dress up too much for her tricks. She was meeting them evening after evening, coffee after coffee, because she wanted to, and a girl can't get dressed up all the time, she reasoned. So she would walk over from her office which was a short walk away from the coffee shop, play with her hair, undo the jacket, apply some brief gloss, and she would be perfect. It was the way she handled herself. The confidence, the poise, the combination of good girl and bad girl that made men turn their heads when she walked by.
There are those who hunt and there are those who are hunted. The fun begins when two hunters meet.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Love Story, Fiction

Breaking Ground by Taking Off Clothes

2006-12-31T20:31:00.000+05:30

Siddhartha at Sepia Mutiny previews the "Sexy South Asian Girls of 2007" bikini calendar from DesiClub.com -

Connoisseurs of the genre will also note the blend of representational approaches taken from white and black girlie pubs, although all the models but one are rather light skinned, surprise surprise. The text seems to follow the standard format with models listing their hobbies (which include "bubble baths," "wearing stilettos," "eating cupcakes," "partying," and "shopping, shopping and more shopping") and aspirations (similar).
Saroosh Gull, publisher of DesiClub.com says that -

...our main objective in producing this calendar was to showcase the beauty of South Asian women and to project an image to the mainstream market that South Asian women are just as "American," being beautiful, attractive and capable in the mainstream fashion and modelling world as Latinas, Blacks, Whites and other Asians, if not more so. By advancing with this agenda, we are doing something that has never been done before, which makes this entire project and the impact it will have truly ground breaking.
Breaking ground by taking off clothes is not a new idea, by the way. Check out the IT Screen Goddess Calendar which was brought out in August last year to -

...Smash through the perception of the geeky technologist and raise awareness of the diversity of Women in IT...
Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Desi Babes, Bikini Calendar

In Defense of Indian Men

2006-12-12T01:06:00.000+05:30

According to a BBC report, a survey of more than 1,000 men in India has found that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. In fact, more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms. Biswanath defends Indian men and remembers a wicked anecdote -

At a sex shop in London's Soho area, I once saw a bunch of young girls choosing from among colourful dildos -- they could have been in a bookshop browsing through Jeffrey Archers and Sidney Sheldons. Finally they found the right one -- gleefully so -- and got it gift-wrapped: perhaps a birthday gift for a friend. I don't know whether their choice was based on length or girth -- or maybe both -- but I still remember the colour of the fake you-know-what: pink!

The Devil also recommends earlier posts on the correlation between war and condom sales and the rabbit.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Condoms, Sex Toys

Stalinmon, Leninmon & Mao Tse Tungmon

2006-12-12T00:49:00.000+05:30

Have you ever wondered why so many Mallu names end in "mol" and "mon"? Did you know that Stalinmon, Leninmon and Mao Tse Tungmon are brothers? Flaash Gordon writes a beginner's guide to Mallu names (via DesiPundit)-

There's an unwritten code that you have to make sure the name has enough similar rhyming names ; or the non-rhyming one feels cut-off from the family tree. You cannot call the first one Bejoy; the second one Rejoy but the third one Avaraachan. Avaraachan would then be victim of apartheid within his family and the mental scars it leaves would make him do something tragic in life such as say, become a teetotaller or worse; go to work on a hartal day!
And finally, have you ever wondered what Osama Bin Laden has to do with a post on Mallu names? Find out.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Mallu, Kerala

Wicked Little Black Dresses

2006-12-04T22:59:00.000+05:30

Like a lot of other wickedness, Chandru is behind this one. It all started when he sent Amit a link to Top 10 Affordable Little Black Dresses for Plus-Size Women, and started off a debate on big vs small -

Amit digs big -

Listen, big asses are glorious things. Abundant hips are joyous. No man has ever complained about a woman being too chesty. All you dieting women out there, on the orders of India Uncut, instantly go and consume a chocolate. And an ice-cream. A gellato, while you're at it. What's that, jalebi? Go right ahead! Let today be your Eat-For-Happiness Day.

- while Saket is all for small -

Melon sized boobs are so ugly. That is the reason I never liked Pamela Anderson (or Rakhi Sawant even). Thats the reason I don’t prefer porn made by Vivid Video. Big boobs mean distorted nipples. Lots of large chested women have all-aeriole and no nipple. And that sucks, seriously (Err… to be more precise, that is actually more difficult to suck). I think small but shapely breasts are yummy. Size can go to hell. As an afterthought, I think I would love to have sex with Kate Moss. Is there something wrong with that?

Well, small or big, a little black dress is a little black dress and a little black dress is a wicked thing indeed.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Breasts, Rakhi Sawant, Kate Moss, Pamela Anderson

2006-11-21T23:01:00.000+05:30

Who can resist an old house in the middle of the city? It pulls people in, like a magnet; and once they enter... Phatichar writes a supernatural story -

As he dabbed his face, he noticed small drops of blood on the basin. He saw himself in the mirror and touched his nose. No, wasn't his nose. And he'd not cut himself. He bent down to wash his face once again, for good measure. Then he did a double take.

What was that saying about curiosity and crows, eh?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Fiction, Supernatural

Global Orgasm for World Peace

2006-11-21T06:18:00.000+05:30

Next time you are having an orgasm, think of world peace. Oz takes off some time from his blondes and tells you why -

And now you know why oz is at peace all the time… the key to peace in you, in your neighbor, in your neighbor’s neighbor, your local mohalla, your town, your city, your state, your country, your world… have orgasms at one go… the world over… (link)

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers. (link)

Ooh! World peace! Ooohhh! World peace! Oooooohhhhhh! World peace!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Global Orgasm, Weird

Burger King Outsources Ordering to India

2006-11-20T21:07:00.000+05:30

What if Burger king outsourced its ordering to India? Or, how difficult it is to order a 'value meal #3 without onions' at Burger King?

Employee: Thanking for calling Gateway. How may I help you?
Customer: What?
Employee: Sorry, I read my card incorrectly. Welcome to Burger Kings. May I take your order?
Customer: Are you inside a call centre or something?
Employee: A call centre sir. May I suggest the new parmesan chicken?
Customer: OK, how are you taking my order from a call centre? What happened to LaMont?
Employee: Sir, I don't know who Mr. LaMont is. Would you like to try our bacon cheese chicken?
Customer: Have you even eaten a bacon cheese chicken before?
Employee: No, sir, I do not eat pork.
Customer: Burger King outsources its call centre to...
Employee: India sir. And just the order taking is outsourced. Your order will still be filled by a higher priced and lazy American.
Customer: Like LaMont?
Employee: I don't know who LaMont is, sir.

Takeaways will never be the same again!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Burger King, Outsourcing

The Devil is an Equal Opportunity Lover

2006-11-20T20:25:00.000+05:30

How is dating a Mumbai boy different from dating a Delhi/ Chennai/ Bangalore boy? Ideasmith writes the ultimate guide to dating men from different cities -

The Chennai boy: Very polite and courteous but he doesn’t open doors or pull out our chairs for us; he doesn’t seem to realize that’s what passes for chivalry in some places. He also apologizes each time a friend of his mentions alcohol or meat, but after a long conversation with this Mumbai girl, figures he should treat her like one of the guys and lets us in on the secrets of his booze binges and parties cooking chicken in buckets behind the hostels. We finds all that very funny but we is not in the least bit amused to know that he thinks we is the wild, wanton Mumbai girl, and tells his family (and soon our family) that.

The Devil is an equal opportunity lover; The Devil likes all women, period.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Mumbai Bombay, Delhi, Kolkata Bangalore, Chennai, Dating, Men&Women

The Simpsons Bollywood Song

2006-11-19T09:53:00.000+05:30

If you thought The Office Diwali Song was wicked, wait till you watch The Simpsons Bollywood Song from the 'Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bangalore' episode (via Kamla Bhatt and Naachgaana) -

Now, how wicked is that?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Simpsons, Bollywood

The Papdits Revisited

2006-11-17T15:03:00.000+05:30

The Devil first blogged about 'The Papdits' almost ten days back, but couldn't watch the pilot episode (it is available for viewing only in the US). Now, 'The Papdits' is out on YouTube and The Devil's verdict is that it is wickedness itself.

The opening titles has a catchy tune -

The Kenya born Nitin Ganatra plays Gopi, the head of the family, with delightful wickedness. Ganatra has appeared in Mistress of Spices (2005) as Haroun, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) as Prince Pondicherry and Bride & Prejudice (2004) as Mr. Kohli. Priya Ayyar plays wife Ritsi and delivers deadly dialogue with deadpan innocence. Madhur Jaffrey plays Ritsi's mother, but has little to do in the pilot episode.

The Papdits start off by going houseboat shopping and scandalize the houseboat rental manager by sharing too much family history -

Ritsi: (referring to her daughter Sita) She's very good swimmer. When she was baby, she is falling from bridge into the river and she swimming all the way back to shore. We don't know how she got out of sack.

Manager: That's an awful... (realizes the sack's significance) okay.

Gopi: Tell me, how deep is this water?

Manager: Well, generally speaking, it can go anywhere from ten feet to hundred feet of water.

Gopi: I see. So if, for example, (referring to his mother-in-law) you are an old lady and you're falling in the water and you're a little bit weak, and maybe taken too much Valium, with no life preserver, she could possibility die.

Manager: There's always the possibility. You may want to take precautions for that.

Gopi: No need. No need.

The Papdits visit a counsellor to become the future business leaders of America -

Ritsi: Recently Bhaskar is having an idea to start a business.

Counselor: What is your idea?

Bhaskar: My idea is to start a business.

Counsellor: (Awkward silence) Okay. Excellent.

Ritsi: My husband is a very good businessman. In the last year, he started about eighteen businesses...

Counsellor: Oh! Wow! That's great!

Ritsi: ... three are still going this year. (More awkward silence)

Gopi and son Bhaskar try being caddies and much awkwardness follows -

Bhaskar: (As golfer readies himself to hit the ball) Hit... hit...

Golfer: (Finger on lips) When you're hitting... in golf... real quiet... okay?

Bhaskar: Okay. (Shouts as Golfer hits the ball) Do it!

Gopi: You hit tree!

Ritsi shows them how it is done in India at the home interior party -

Ritsi: (Takes out a letter and reads it out to the hostess) My husband has given me note which says "I, Gopi, have issued my wife five dollars to have fun night out and to gossip with other housewives, and buy trinkets for RV. Please count money (Hostess counts) and sign it is five dollars as proof she has not stolen from me." Please sign here. (Hostess signs)

Ritsi tries to sell Tupperware food containers to her neighbours -

Ritsi: Today we will be selling a brand new product, called the food storage contained. they are made from special type of glass called plastic. These are all very useful for keeping food for surprise visitor, or in time of famine. For example, you are eating one Dorito chip, you only want to have (takes a bite), you can put it back, cover, remove lid, fresh!

The Devil is all eyes for the next episode, but there isn't likely to be one -
Unfortunately, the pilot is going to suffer from both Borat comparisons and from being late to the single-camera, improv party. The Papdits is worth a look, but it's tough when there are so many shows out there doing aspects of what The Papdits is trying to do, but better. (link)
Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Papdits, Desis on TV

The Brown Male Nurse & the Hospital with $50K Dummy Patients

2006-11-17T07:57:00.000+05:30

When one of his Desi friends enrolled for a nursing major, Mezba wondered why - a brown male nurse, after all, is quite a stereotype buster - until he figured out the side benefits of being in nursing school -

Over 90% of his fellow students were female. And probably 3% of the remaining 10 were gay, and 2.5% in relationships.
Equally interesting is the mock hospital story -

These dummies, each worth over 50,000 dollars, could actually simulate symptoms of most diseases, have heart attacks, even ask for water. If not cared for properly, they could even die.
Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Careers, Stereotypes

The Devil & The Deity

2006-11-16T20:55:00.000+05:30

First, King Emma at Ultrabrown wrote a post about Brazilian artist Roberto Custodio's rather risque portrayal of Hindu Gods and Goddesses, then Beau Peep pointed out the use of Kali in a Bayer mosquito repellent ad, prompting The Devil to do a post on wicked depictions of Hindu deities in popular culture.

To start with, The Devil thinks that the Bayer ad is quite cool and not at all offensive -

Here the goddess has been depicted with several arms as she has been depicted traditionally but the second frame shows that when Bayer’s effect comes into play the goddess does not need several arms to keep mosquito away and your hands are free. (link)

The Roberto Custodio paintings, however, are more tricky.

Well, methinks Krishna is definitely in the mood and Shiva, whose face might possibly belong to Disney’s Aladdin, is already getting his groove on with that lingam. (link)

The male Gods are indeed presented as -

light-skinned, muscle-bound and possibly, horny, cutouts (link)

Shiva

Krishna

Hanuman

- and the female Goddesses look like ennui-laden divas -

Radha

Saraswati

Roberto Custodio is a lucky man - the people at Hindu Janajagruti Samiti have not spammed him yet. Robin Foley, an American sculptor who specializes in something called 'soft sculpture', was not as lucky when her semi-nude Durga doll became the center of controversy -

Robin Foley was not ready to withdraw the images and instead threatened to complain to the FBI. The threat did not intimidate the protestors; they replied back saying "You are free to call the entire US army" and "FBI is not greater than Goddess Durga and Lord Ganesha". Due to increasing protests Robin Foley finally removed the main image of Goddess Durga from her website and stated that she will not distribute the images of Goddess Durga even personally. (link)

Do note that Foley has put up nude images of Durga instead of the Durga doll, presumably to protest against the protestors.

The Hindu Janajagruti Samiti website, by the way, is a treasure-trove of such controversial depictions of deities. The Devil thinks that they define offensiveness so broadly that their protests have no meaning. They also have absolutely no sense of humour.

In some cases, though, such depictions are indeed difficult to defend - US artist Teresa Bergen's depiction of Shiva, Brahma, Narad and Nataraja as animals, for instance (link) -

- or paintings by Nasik based artist Dhyanesh Sonar, which depict Radha and Krishna in various amorous situations (link) -

- although, when you do think of it, when did Gods and Goddesses in India become asexual?

At the other extreme, The Devil thinks that the Durga poster displayed at an Athens bar is kitschy pop art at worst, and not really offensive (link) -

- and the International Herald Tribune's Bushiva cartoon (link) and MidDay's Osama Bin Ganesha cartoons are truely hilarious (link).

The Devil is also wondering what to make of Virgin Comic's Devi -

An avatar conceived by the Gods once again to stop the renegade God Bala, Devi is a sleek and sexy seductress that has been dispatched to the modern city of Sitapur on her latest quest. Now incarnated into a human vessel however, this Devi starts to discover a longing that none before her have ever experienced, the desire to be human. (link)

Devi’s fascination for Rahul, her increasing desire not to save humanity but to save him, not to exorcise Sitapur’s demons, but to exorcise his, now fuels her quest. This is not the story of a girl who wanted to be the Goddess but rather the Goddess who longed to be a girl. (link)

The Devil thinks Devi is uber-cool but Hindu Janajagruti Samiti might not agree, because, as King Emma says -

Seriously, who doesn’t want to see a woman share title with the mother of all Goddesses while wearing leather and falling in love with alcoholics? (link)

And finally, what about the MTV Desi Goddess? Is it sacrilege too?

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Popular Culture, Sacrilege, Devi, Krishna, Shiva, Hanuman, Radha, Saraswati, Ganesha, George Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Virgin Comics

Romance at Suicide Point

2006-11-16T20:03:00.000+05:30

Picture this: a man and a woman, alone on a mountain ridge, both of them about to commit suicide. Phatichar writes a story with a wicked twist -

They say nature looks its best from suicide points. And that's because it wants us to have a second thought about jumping and losing it all.

About the ending - plot spoiler follows - sometimes, all it takes is a push, doesn't it?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Fiction, Suicide, Supernatural

Searching for Janina, Part One

2006-11-13T19:19:00.000+05:30

The Devil first met Janina, aka Ms Dewey, at Sepia Mutiny, when Abhi confessed his undying devotion to her -

I have found comfort in the arms of Ms. Dewey. She is the strong, beautiful, witty, articulate (sometimes verbose), and smarter-than-me desi woman I’ve been searching for my whole life. If any of you fools linger too long on her site I will hurt you.

The Devil spent some time with Ms. Dewey today and was much impressed. She is all that Abhi said she was, and more.

The first thing you notice about Ms. Dewey is that she has a low boredom threshold.

When you don't type in something for a while, she looks bored, then leans forward and knocks on the screen -

Knock, knock, knock. Anyone there?

If that doesn't work, she points to the search box -

Helloooo! Type something here!
If even that doesn't work, she throws a lasso - or a bait - at you and pulls you in (as if you were not more than willing to walk behind her voluntarily)!

Ms Dewey is also very ambitious -

Keep asking questions. The more you ask, the more I know. And soon I will rule the world. Hahahahahahahaha... Hmmm... Ahm...

Ms Dewey doesn't only have a mind of her own, she is also willing to speak her mind. Try typing in "Yo Mama" or "Ho" -

Otherwise, Ms. Dewey has about half a dozen wicked responses to your every query.

Ask her "Are you bored?" and she is dismissive -

A1. (Appears wearing glasses and writes on a clipboard) And how does that make you feel?
A2. (Yawns) Last time I was this bored, I didn't even exist!
A3. You know, you can ask me anything at all, and you are going to waste it with a question like that. Tchch.
A4. You're kidding, right? Hey Ricardo, come have a look at what this guy did a search for!
A5. Somebody needs to get a hobby, like, let's say, something interesting.

Take a chance and say "Kiss me!" and she'll Almost flirt back with you -

A1. I'm sorry. Did you think this was girlwhodoeswhateveryouwant.com? Because that is simply not the case.
A2. (The screen dims down) You know, we are having such a nice time and then you go and say something like that. Behave yourself and we can continue. If not... Now, do we have an understanding?
A3. I bet you say that to all the many many many virtual girls you have met online.
A4. It's time to get naked. Not me silly, you!
A5. I'm not drunk enough to listen to that right now.

Test the limits a little with "Dress up as a nurse!" and she'll behave somewhat weirdly -

A1. (It starts raining) Oh, oh no! This is couture, people!
A2. (Reads a book) They say, don't judge a book by its cover, unless of course you are talking about me, in which case your judgement will be 100% on target.
A3. So, let me get this straight. If I gained 40 pounds and dressed like a man, the academy will come calling! Ricardo, bring on the stacked steak-burger.
A4. Method acting is another way of saying "Show up at the set drunk and do whatever the fuck you want". Well, it works for me.
A5. (Flashes a pistol) I could finish you off now, but it's only the second reel. (Smiles) I had a boyfriend who liked me to say that.

Now, really push the envelope by asking her to "Take off your clothes!" and she'll suprprise you -

A1. Ok, take off your clothes. All of them. Yes, the socks too. Now, fold them neatly and toss it all out the window, ok? There. (pushes a red button to call the cops.)
A2. Well, maybe just this once (takes off two buttons teasingly before a 'video buffering' message shows up)
A3. I'm pretty sure that you can be arrested in 38 countries for just thinking something like that.
A4. Porn? On the internet? Heh! You're kidding, right?
A5. Hey, if you can get inside your computer, you can do whatever you want to me!

But ask her someting innocuous like "Eat a banana!" and she... well... misunderstands you...

A1. You know what they say about dating these days - it's a jungle out there. Sadly, from here it looks as if your jungle has been clear cut, South American style.
A2. Nerd looking through a pub window at people who actually have a life.
A3. Another guy asked me something like that once. I don't think they ever found him.
A4. There are farm animals who don't do that kind of a thing. What makes you think I would?
A5. (Slowly unskins a banana and eats it) What? I'm Hypoglycaemic!

Well, women will be women, after all!

In an interview with Nirali Magazine, Janina says -

I’m definitely not Ms. Dewey. She was just words on a paper in an audition. I think when I auditioned, she was much more normal. When I got there she just escalated into this uber-snotty, I’m-not-amused character.

When asked about her favorite responses as Ms Dewey, Janina replies -

I love the cowboy western — have you seen that one? I love the gun one, she’s got a bunch of gun responses. She has manservant, and his name is Ricardo — I had so much fun with my manservant. He just happens to be this beautiful model. He ended up being the sweetest guy, and just up for anything.

Ms Dewey is really quite something, isn't she? But, while Ms. Dewey might have all the answers at her fingertips, The Devil found out that Janina Gavankar is the real deal.

Coming up next - Searching for Janina, Part Two.

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Ms Dewey, Janina Gavankar

Cry, Baby Cry

2006-11-13T07:32:00.000+05:30

The one in which Amardeep spends sleepless nights, walking up and down, waiting for his baby to fall asleep; thinks about reciting poetry to him while walking ("the sound of iambic pentameter is said to be soporific"); but ends up singing Beatles songs ("Cry, baby cry/ Make your mothers sigh") and travesties of old Hindi film songs about sleeplessness instead -

It seems to me the trope of sleeplessness in Hindi film songs comes from Urdu and Persian poetry, where lovers take great pride in their romantic insomnia. It's definitely a little irreverent to play with the tradition in this way, but really, why not? As they say (and again, I'm travestying it), whatever gets you through the night...

The Devil, by the way, is humming "Raat Baaki, Baat Baaki". The Devil, as all of you know, is a sadist.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Related Posts: Breastfeeding the Little Devil, Wicked, Wicked Baby, The Backroom Guide to Eating Out in Mumbai

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Beatles, Babies

The Devil Digs MTV Desi

2006-11-13T00:29:00.000+05:30

Launched in July 2005, MTV Desi is a music-based channel targeted at young South Asian Americans and those interested in desi pop culture. Now, The Devil lives in Mumbai, and hasn't watched MTV Desi, but it sounds decidedly wicked -

During one hour of MTV Desi, you might see the latest Bollywood music video, pop bhangra king Juggy D, Indian-fronted indie band Goldspot, and Pakistani rock band Junoon. Put them alongside American pop standards like Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake, and you’ve got a multi-ethnic, multi-genre playlist that befits the modern South Asian American.

While music is the primary focus of the programming, it’s not the sole driving force of the channel. MTV News provides desi-specific news segments for the channel, covering everything from South Asian American reactions to the immigration debate to the latest from desi stars like Kal Penn, M.I.A. and Jay Sean. (link)

So, how is MTV Desi different from MTV India?

The channel will not be merely a tweaked reproduction of MTV India. Rather, it will, like its target audience, be a hybrid, blending here and there and grappling with identity issues, mostly in English.
Interspersed among Bollywood videos, electronic tabla music and English-Gujarati hip-hop, it will feature brief documentary clips profiling desis, comic skits about South Asian-American generational conflicts, interviews with bicultural artists and desi house parties, live. (link)

Ego Magazine spoke to MTV Desi head Nusrat Durrani -

who seems to be perennially dressed in black, has a crop of unruly curly black hair, and eyes that seem to be slightly bored with ennui, till he flashes an amused smile if you say something utterly heretical

- about what MTV Desi means for desis -

MTV Desi launched with the kind of explosive charm that is so MTV, so New York, and so deliciously desi. An enormous screen in Times Square, New York, launched MTV's salute to South Asians with flashing images of music videos from top South Asians artists.
It was almost a metaphor for the way that South Asian pop culture has been experienced in the US in the past - just glimpses of it. Some of it is chaotic, some is smooth and sexy, some is lost in translation. The countdown video to the launch was a metaphor for that experience.
It ended in a lucid piece which was the launch of MTV Desi. Suddenly at 9pm, the world saw a music video by Rabbi- a Sikh popstar from India who doesn’t quite look like what you’d expect a popstar to look like. There he was, displayed in Times Square - in the center of the world. With MTV Desi, there’s a platform for him now.

MTV Desi chose its VJs to represent the diversity of the desi experience. VJ Niharika Desai, for instance, balances hosting countdowns from mendhi salons and interviewing desi superstars with editing serious documentaries. Niharika sounds really interesting and so does the story of how she became a MTV Desi VJ -

"My parents didn’t raise me watching Hindi films and what not. So I implore you, please do something more than Bollywood." That’s what Niharika Desai told MTV World producers during her audition for the coveted role as a VJ on MTV Desi. Her honesty worked - Desai was singled out from hundreds of others, eventually landing the plum job.

Not that she doesn’t love Bollywood - she does. Desai was just hoping that MTV Desi would highlight all aspects of pop culture that interest South Asian Americans, not just the traditional desi staples. Her vision aligned with that of Nusrat Durrani, founder of MTV Desi and general manager and senior vice president of MTV World. And so Desai found a home.

Durrani's choice of Tim Cash, the youngest MTV VJ at 19, for the male anchor did not find much favour, by the way -

Since Kash isn’t an American, I’m guessing Durrani didn’t find a male anchor he liked by launch time and had to go to the UK bench. I’m also guessing that he’s champing at the bit to get an American. But maybe he just wanted one of the anchors to be an old hand at MTV.

Since then, MTV Desi has added Husna Hasan -

With her sweet exterior and princess smile Husna Hasan is a surprise attack who unleashes her sharp tongue and quick wit while interviewing celebs. She's a daddy's girl who fantasizes about playing drums in a rock band and a news junkie that keeps M.I.A. cranked up while reading the latest headlines. (link)

- and Utkarsh Ambudkar -

Utkarsh is a Brooklynite of many talents; one day knocking out judges in various rap battles around the city, the next recording his debut ep Lo-fi Champ, and the very next traveling to Africa teaching beat-boxing to underprivileged children and students in Ghana. (link)

- to its lineup of VJs.

MTV Desi has played a role in promoting Desi musical talent; Sri Lankan-American singer-songwriter Dushyanti is a case in point -

After writing and singing a poppy reggaeton song called 'Many Men', Dushyanthi rounded up professionals she’d met through her modeling career to shoot a video for the infectious single. She burned that video onto a disc and put it in the mail to the programming director at MTV Desi, who loved the it and put it into rotation. 'Many Men' soon climbed the charts to the number two spot on the MTV Desi countdown.

The Devil loved it a little less, though. In fact, The Devil found it to be decidedly mediocre -

MTV Desi has also dabbled in making desi remixes of non-Desi classics, like David Bowie's 'Let's Dance' (link via Ultrabrown)-

With top-notch musicians, a visually stunning music video, a sprinkling of Desi flair, and Bowie's original creative spirit even David Bowie's own management team is calling it one of the finest Bowie remixes ever. If you like the original, and dig Bollywood sounds - you'll love the remix.

The Devil thinks that both the remix and the video works very well, albeit in a kitshy kind of way -

The Devil is wondering if there's a way of watching MTV Desi in Mumbai - and if there isn't - is it worth losing one's sanity over it. Anybody?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, MTV Desi, Niharika Desai, Dushyanti, Many Men, David Bowie, Lets Dance Remix, Nusrat Durrani, Tim Cash, Husna Hasan, Utkarsh Ambudkar

Horn OK Please, or The Devil Drives a Taxi

2006-11-12T09:10:00.000+05:30

After watching 'Horn OK Please' (via Ultrabrown and DesiPundit) The Devil wants to take a week's vacation from work and drive around a taxi in Mumbai! Such endless possibilities for wickedness!

'Horn OK Please' is a nine minute film inspired by director Joel Simon´s journey in the heat and frenzy of Mumbai. It follows a monotonous day in the life of an Indian taxi driver whose goal is to earn enough rupees to buy the air-conditioned taxi of his dreams. (link)

The film, with its multitude of curious characters, is a montage of the madness that is Mumbai. However, even in this treasure trove of wickedness, two scenes stand out -

A rather shady looking man woos a woman in the backseat of the taxi -

Jaaneman, main tumhe dil aur jaan se chaahta hoon. Tumhari yeh bhari aankh, yeh bhari naak, yeh bhare hoonth... main chumma lena chahta hoon!

(My life, my heart, I love you more than my life. Your full eyes, your full nose, your full lips... I want to kiss you!)

- but is frustrated when our taxi driver honks the horn at the crucial moment. Such a sadist!

A shrill shrew of a woman endlessly cribs to our taxi driver -

Arre, kahan se ja rahen hain aap? Idhar se jaa rahein hai ki udhar se jaa rahein hai. Aapko maloom nahin hai kya? Arre meter kahan hai dikhaiye, pahle. Hamein maloom nahin hai kya? Hamein pagal samajh ke rakha hai kya?

(Hey, where are you going from? Don't you know the way? Show me the meter first. Don't I know your ways? Do you think I am mad?)

- until she turns into a bird (hen?) in his imagination.

Now, watch the wickedness below at MySpace -

- or head over to YouTube.

And, when you step into a taxi in Mumbai next time - take a long hard look at the driver - you might be in for a ride with The Devil!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Horn OK Please, Mumbai, Bombay, Taxi, Video

Bald Bartenders, Ultra-Protective Fathers & Nelly Furtado's Duck Dance

2006-11-11T21:28:00.000+05:30

These two are as different as chalk and cheese. Rup (or, Rupinder Magon) has his roots in Punjabi spiritual music and Q (or, Qurram Hussain) started off with rock and alternative. Together, they make music as 'Josh' -

Josh's new song 'Mahi Ve' (from the just-released album 'Mausam') is out on YouTube now -

'Mahi Ve' is not 'Kabhi', but grows on you on repeated listening. The video is shot in Mumbai, and The Devil loved Q's wicked hairstyle, but hated the rather bizarre platform-on-the-sea dance sequence.

Here's 'Kabhi', by the way (mellow and smouldering at the same time, and the bald bartender is a nice touch) -

Josh has also done a few talked about remixes with Nelly Furtado, including 'Maneater' (Furtado dances like a duck and the video is more awkward than wicked, but the remix rocks! "Kudi Pataki!") -

- and 'Powerless' (Furtado is at her so-weird-that-she's-cute best and the video is uber-wicked) -

- and also one with Sukhbir - 'Ban Far Ke' (typical Bhangra video, but the ultra-protective father twist is funny) -

The Devil will be watching out for more from 'Josh'.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Josh, Nelly Furtado, Sukhbir, Desi Remix, Maneater, Powerless, Kabhi, Mahi Ve, Ban Far Ke, Mausam, Music Videos, Mumbai, Bombay

The Morality of Eating Beef & Raping Cows

2006-11-11T17:59:00.000+05:30

According to a Mid-Day report, the Guna police has booked three people under Section 377 (unnatural offences) of the Indian Penal Code, after arresting them for having sexual intercourse with a cow. Cow enthusiast and eminent blogger Amit says that raping a cow is only as immoral as eating beef -

Of course, this case is somewhat complicated, because the cow cannot be said to have consented, or even to be capable of consent. As far as I am concerned, the only crime in this case is a property-rights violation, assuming that the cow did not belong to one of the three men in question. Even then, would you sue a guy who rubbed himself up against your car?

For cow lovers appalled at my inability to defend the rights of the cow in question, I can just shrug and look down in embarrassment. I'm a lapsed vegetarian, who believed that causing pain to animals was wrong. But I eat meat now, and I can come with 100,000 pathetic rationalisations for it. If the cow in this story was to come before me and look my way with accusing eyes, I'd simply say, "I'm sorry, but it wasn't me who did that to you, and it isn't you I'll be having for dinner tonight."

Et tu, Amit?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Section 377, Bestiality

He Met Her in Istanbul

2006-11-11T14:14:00.000+05:30

Is it possible to fall in love with a stranger? Two restless travelers find out; or do they? Scout writes a wicked story about love and wanderlust -

It was her. There was no mistaking it. She didn’t wear her hippy clothes, but a chic, understated dress and ballerina shoes. But still, she laughed the same way she’d laughed that evening in Istanbul (when all I had said to her "I envy you" was "Why?"). Her eyes sparkled and danced as she spoke to her friends.
Before I knew it, I had walked up to her and said, "Well, you can’t envy me, I don’t give you the permission."

She looked up at me, slightly puzzled but still smiling. The kind of look you give to random strangers who start spouting utter nonsense. Her frown deepened as she took me in, her smile faded before becoming broader as she recognized me. My stomach did a little jig inside me, she remembers, I thought.

"You took so long to think up a come-back eh?" she said.

And I was stumped again.

"Buy me coffee, while I wait for your dazzling wit to show up," she steered me into the cafe.

Listen to The Devil. If you haven't fallen in love at first sight, it isn't love, it's children playing house. Sigh.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Fiction, Love

The Devil in the Living Room

2006-11-11T12:59:00.000+05:30

The Devil manifests itself in many forms, sometimes as Liz Hurley, sometimes as Al Pacino and sometimes as a camel. Mukta meets The Devil in her living room (via DesiPundit)-

Since the last two weeks, I’ve been seeing a camel in the living room at night. I get up for a drink of water or to scrounge for something in the kitchen, and when I step into the living room, I see a camel.

It sits between the divan and the T.V., facing me. It’s not chewing cud, like how I would imagine it to, but it just sits there peacefully… staring ahead like a sphinx.

Who you would want The Devil to be?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Al Pacino, Liz Hurley, Devil

Youth Hangouts & Camera Phone Capers

2006-11-11T00:50:00.000+05:30

The one in which Domain Maximus is featured in Business World as a 'Youth Hangout', 'where people make out' -

Dude they just made your blog sound like some dark corner of Bandstand or that stretch near Reclamation.

Where people make out?

The same.

Where you went last week to test out your new camera phone?

Chill dude! I am in the office on speaker phone!

And the line about tapping phones in investment banks - priceless!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Camera Phones, Youth Hangouts

The Papdits

2006-11-08T08:30:00.000+05:30

Guess what all the ABCD type blogs (Turbanhead, Nirali, Sepia Mutiny & Ultrabrown) are talking about today? The Papdits. Written by Ant Hines, the co-writer of 'Borat' and 'Da Ali G Show', The Papdits is finally out of two years of development hell and airing on CBS's Innertube streaming platform -

A Kashmiri family is criss-crossing the US searching for the American dream with a camera crew on their tails. Gopi, the outspoken husband and father, believes America is the land of opportunity and sees himself as Donald Trump in an RV. Their future, he believes, is in crystal. He's just not quite sure what that is, or if it's legal. The family's first stop is Mount Ida, Arkansas, where wife Ritshi tries to become one of the local girls by hosting a neighbourhood Tupperware party, and son Bhaskar has some trouble handling a job as a caddy at the local country club. Can the Papdits make a life in America? Check it out. (link)
While The Devil couldn't watch the pilot episode - it's available for viewing only in the US - do watch it here and let The Devil know if you liked it.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Papdits, Pop Culture

It's a Nose Thing

2006-11-08T00:48:00.000+05:30

The one in which Primalsoup is not allowed to pierce her nose because her mother thought that it would destroy her only redeeming feature -

(The nose) is one thing that couldn’t go through much damage with age and allied discomforts. I mean, one could become fat. Lovely hair at age three and receding hairline by 25 happens all the time. Honey like skin at age eight can rapidly deteriorate into chronic acne by age 16 and beyond redemption by age 25. Lovely eyes at age 14 can deteriorate to thick glasses by Age 17 (while trying to max your Multiple Regression blah) and long sight by age 40 and cataract by age 58. The nose on the other hand can’t go too wrong.

She did have her nose pierced, by the way, when a "particularly gorgeous Mookutti, made of three obscenely large stones" became part of the proposition. What will mothers not do for their family jewels!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Body-piercing, Nose-ring

Christmas in Asia Minor

2006-11-07T22:00:00.000+05:30

After The Office Diwali Song, it's time for the Indian Christmas Carol album! Boymongoose's debut album 'Christmas in Asia Minor', to be released on November, covers topics as diverse as insufficient dowries, internet dating, Bollywood hunks, corrupt child sport-stars and angels with amazing I.T. skills (via Sepia Mutiny) -

Here's a sneak preview of the madness that is their song '12 days of Christmas' -

On my twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, twelve cricket ball tamperers ("I was simply correcting the stitching!"), eleven silver names, ten minute yoga, nine telemarketers, eight Bollywood films, seven-eleven workers, six IT graduates, five minutes of fame, four Hare Krishnas, three butter chickens, two nosey in-laws, and a totally insufficient dowry.
And here's the video -

What time-pass wickedness!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Boymongoose, Christmas in Asia Minor

Taking Charge on the First Night

2006-11-07T20:22:00.000+05:30

Before a month-long bride-hunt trip to India, an ABCD wonders if it's OK to go all the way on the first night. Twisted DNA records the rather over-the-top macho-ness -

X: But what if she doesn’t want me to ask questions and look like I don’t know what I am doing? I think women like their men to be manly. Take charge. Decide things for them.

Me: They may want you to take charge and lead the way in matters such as taking the car out for servicing, but in just about everything else...

X: You are Americanized. Indian women are not like that. They respect the husband. They want the man to be in control. They don’t like sissies who can’t make up their minds. Take my word for it, I am going all the way that night.
And, no, he didn't get any that night!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, ABCD, Arranged Marriage

His Father Wanted to Know What Clothes I Wear

2006-11-07T09:32:00.000+05:30

What do three supposedly intelligent, attractive, single women talk about when they meet up for coffee and conversation? Ex-boyfriends, prospective husbands (and their fathers), and bitching about their husbands-to-be, same place, same time, next year -

His father wanted to know what clothes I wear.

Did you tell him? Bikinis and shorts.

*dirty look* Hmph! We said salwar-kameezes and trousers to work.

I don’t believe this! You actually answered that?

Yeah. And then he wanted to know what I wear at home!!!

@#%$&%$

*disapproving look* I thought of saying - saree with a ghoonghat.

What about burqas - The Devil wonders.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Dating, Arranged Marriage

Return of the Desi Superman

2006-11-07T01:10:00.000+05:30

If you thought that you had seen the last of the Desi Superman in the Desi Superman Dance Videos, you were wrong. Manish from Ultrabrown discovers some more Desi Superman masterpieces (here, here and here) -

Goodness Gracious Me on why Superman is an Indian -

Superman is an Indian! You have seen the movies. He runs faster than a speeding train. There's only one country where you can run faster than a speeding train.

And what about Clark Kent? Clark Kent! National health glasses. Bad haircut. Go to Calcutta and you'll see millions of civil servants dressed like Clark Kent!

Think about it yaar! He has two jobs. Indian! Never takes a day off work. Indian! And how does he get about? Cheap flights! Indian!
When you re-cut 'Harold and Kumar' with the Superman soundtrack, the result is Harold and Kal-El Return to the White Castle -

The Dharmendra-as-Superman clip, however, gave The Devil a headache.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Superman, Kal Penn, Goodness Gracious Me, Dharmendra

Why Men Should Wear Burqas

2006-11-07T00:35:00.001+05:30

Now that an almost insane number of blog posts have been written about whether women should wear burqas, it is about time that someone wondered if men should. Twisted DNA on why men should wear burqas -

- Your wife won't nag you saying "Didn't you wear the same shirt yesterday?"
- Nobody will know where you are looking. Just saying, not that you will check out girls or anything.
- 'Dressing up' for dinner only involves wearing formal shoes. These events will be called 'black shoelace events'.

The Devil's imagination is vivid with wicked possibilities.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Burqa, Satire

Sexed-Up Su-Do-Ku

2006-11-05T16:43:00.000+05:30

First, it was "The Tabloid of India", then the other North Indian dailies followed, and, now, even the so far staid South Indian newspapers are falling in line. Anand Ramachandran reviews the new, improved, tabloid-like Deccan Chronicle -

Sexed-Up Su-Do-Ku – In their crazed efforts to give sex appeal to every square inch of DC, the editors present a new take on the annoyingly popular Su-Do-Ku puzzle. Instead of boring old grids and numbers, the puzzle will now simply feature a blurred picture of a swimsuit model downloaded from the net. At last, all those who are too dumb to solve Su-Do-Ku can now enjoy the popular craze.
The Deccan Chronicle, it seems, is learning from DesiBlogging. Who wants to read boring filter blogs - err, newspapers - anyway?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Deccan Chronicle, Journalism

Donna Sonia

2006-11-05T11:51:00.000+05:30

The one in which Mahendra Singh Dhoni experiments with his hairstyle, Shohaib Akhtar admits to doping, topless village women plough the fields to woo the Rain God and Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh are caught on candid camera at Broadbay Bar. Cyrus Broacha presents "Donna Sonia", a "The Week That Wasn't" special -

SG: So, Emanuello...
MS: Madam, Manmohan, Manmohan...
SG: Yes, yes. Tell me, do you have any view on how to do this re-shuffle?
MS: Madam, no idea, absolutely no idea.
SG: All right, all right. Show me those who have been loyal.
MS: Loyal...
SG: Quickly, quickly, Emanuello, err, Manmohan...
MS: Loyal... (hands her a pack of cards)
SG: See how we do. We shuffle, (shuffles the cards) and then we reshuffle.
MS: Oh! I see!
SG: (throws cars on the table) External Affairs - Pranob! Information - Ambrish! Defence - Antonio! Labour - Oscar! Santino! Lutiano! Paolo! Emmanuello!
MS: Manmohan... Manmohan... Madam, I am already Prime Minister.
SG: Oh, shut up Emanuello, and stir my tea.
MS: Yes Madam... Madam... (stirs the tea). Madam! Can I ask you a question?
SG: Hmmm?
MS: What so we do with the hundreds who are waiting for portfloios?
SG: Emanuello, with them we play the game of "Patience".

Donna Sonia indeed!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sonia Gandhi, Manmohan Singh

The Devil's Wicked Smile

2006-11-05T11:28:00.000+05:30

The Devil thinks that HappyDent ads are very very wicked. The Devil liked the first one, and fell in love with the second one -

The one in which HappyDent lights up a photographer's studio -

The one in which Happydent lights up an entire haveli (an entire city?) -

What next? HappyDent lights up Heaven and Hell?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Advertising, HappyDent

Finally! The Office Diwali Song Video!

2006-11-05T10:08:00.000+05:30

The Devil first heard it at Nirali Magazine, and thought that it was very wicked. Now, it's up on YouTube and The Devil told you first. Presenting before you, "The Diwali Song" from NBC's hit show "The Office" -

Diwali is a festival of lights.
Let me tell you something - tonight has been one crazy night.
So, put on your saris.
It's time to celebrate Diwali.
And everybody looks so jolly.
But it's not Christmas Eve, it's Diwali.
The Goddess of Destruction - Kali -
Stopped by to celebrate Diwali.
Don't invite any zombies
To a celebration of Diwali.
Along came Polly,
To have some fun at Diwali.
If you are Indian and you love Diwali,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali.
Happy Diwali!

And, yes, while you listen to this song, don't forget that it's a tribute to "one of the greats - Mr. Adam Sandler".

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Diwali Song, The Office

Humdum, Mere Humdum

2006-11-05T09:19:00.000+05:30

These two desi guys have all the right moves, and an uncanny ability to make funny faces. The Devil wonders how many women threw themselves at these two after they watched the video -

Except that, they do look a little gay, these two, don't they?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Dance Videos, Bollywood Remixes

John Abraham in a Skirt

2006-11-05T08:51:00.000+05:30

The one in which John Abraham decides to go vegetarian and wild, wears a skirt and a crown, and looks like a wimp (via Bollywood Fugly)-

The Devil always suspected that John didn't wear the pants in his house, Bipasha did. Now there's proof.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, John Abraham, Wickedness

God Doesn't Have a Thesis

2006-11-05T08:31:00.000+05:30

What a way to start Sunday morning! Falstaff thinks up an afterlife where heaven and hell are merely two treatment groups in a centuries old lab experiment -

Imagine that when the Day of Judgement comes along, God will come with his RAs and hand out surveys for us to fill. Imagine that afterwards we'll get paid ten dollars for our millennia of suffering and return to being undergraduates for all of eternity.
And, of course, God doesn't have a thesis; only The Devil does!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Heaven&Hell, God&Devil

Her Eyes, Her Eyes

2006-11-05T00:03:00.000+05:30

So, you have watched a million funny Bollywood dance videos, and half a million funny parodies of Bollywood dance videos. Still, you haven't watched it all, until you have watched this. Sometimes, even The Devil shuts up and watches in awe -

The part where he searches for 'her' - priceless!

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Bollywood, Parody

Desi Superman Dance Videos

2006-11-04T23:00:00.000+05:30

The one in which Megha discovers two funny Indian Superman videos and wonders if she should put on a Spiderwoman costume herself -

Starring Govinda as Superman and Kimi Katkar as Spiderwoman -

Starring NTR as Superman and Jayaprada as damsel-in-distress -

And if you think that you have seen everything now, close your eyes and imagine... Govinda and NTR dancing together in their Superman costumes.

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Superman, Govinda

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

2006-11-04T21:07:00.000+05:30

The one in which Chandru gives a job interview, and is irritated by the good-cop-bad-cop routine and questions on his drinking habit, his goody-good tam-brahmin-ness and his girlfriend -
No, no. I am not at all like this. I am a very good, non-drinking, non-smoking, curd-rice-eating tam-bram. I really am. I would love to work for your company and I can tell you with a clear conscience that your company is the best in its field.
The Devil loves being on an interview panel; The Devil is a sadist!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Job Interview, Good Cop Bad Cop

The Senile Fool Meets The Wicked Woman

2006-11-04T12:43:00.000+05:30

The one in which Ram Jethmalani calls Sagarika Ghosh from CNN-IBN "sweetheart", "silly" and "an ignoramus", all in one breath. He looked like an old senile fool, and she looked like the cat who got the cream. Watch the video here and read the transcript here -

Who the hell is the press to decide who is indefensible?

Who the hell are you to decide? What right do you have? Have you heard the witnesses? Have you read the evidence?

You don’t know the rule of the law, you don’t know democracy; you don’t know anything.

Who are the citizens of India? You are not the repositories of the citizens of India.

You are illiterate and you don’t know what you are talking about. Don’t persist in asking the same silly question?

Please don’t talk of this bull shit to me. I know what my Lakshman Rekhas are.

Please don’t waste my time. I will not discuss evidence with you. That is to be discussed with the court.

I don’t want to waste time with an ignoramus.

No, you are wrong. You don’t even know your facts. You’re trying to do big things without knowing what you are doing.

Look sweetheart, now don’t ask me to start a tuition class for you.
Wicked, wicked woman!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Ram Jethmalani, Jessica Lall

Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster!

2006-11-04T12:23:00.000+05:30

Why do atheists avoid using the word "God"? Why would somebody torture their tongue and say "Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster!" instead of "Oh God!"?. Gawker ponders over similar wicked questions and lobbies for using the Lord's name in vain -

In fact, if anything, atheists should be using the word "God" even more frequently than religious people. Kind of like how black people took away the offensiveness in the word "nigger" by adopting it for their own use. "Hey Godlover", they should call each other. "Wotup Gawd" could be the new hip salutation, heck, the possibilities are endless. Uttering the Lord's name in vain, wouldn't that be the best way for an atheist to celebrate atheism?
Why not "Oh Devil!", The Devil wonders.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, God, Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Devil Picks His Toenails

2006-11-04T11:51:00.000+05:30

The Devil is bored. The Devil stretches out his long legs on his exquisite velvet couch, then looks at his toenails and has a sudden urge to pick them. So, The Devil picks his toenails and wonders when he will be summoned to the mortal world by a wicked post.

Neha writes a wicked little story that reads like a page out of The Devil Diaries (via DesiPundit)-

It took him a few surprised minutes to recognise the rumbling all around. His room was shaking violently now, its contents flung all over the place. As he struggled to stay put, he smiled. Finally, he thought, a summon! And as a lime green vase smashed into his face, he wondered, in child-like anticipation, what three wishes he would be granting this time.
And, Neha, what about your three wishes?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Devil, Magic

Shoe-less in South Bombay

2006-11-02T01:18:00.000+05:30

The one in which Suze decides to see Bombay, is transfered from the airport arrival terminal to local train, drops her slippers in the sea, and ends up shoe-less in South Bombay on a slow Sunday evening -

I got a little paranoid that I would lose my slippers in the weirdly shaped inter-locking rocks on the corniche, so I removed them and kept them to the side. As we get up to leave a while later, I somehow managed to kick my carefully secured slipper over the edge. In the 12.7 seconds it took to fall, several distinct memories flashed before my eyes. Forks that had flown to neighbouring tables at a 5 star restaurant, that were discreetly retrieved by Sh. Days when I decided to take the quickest route down the stairs at the theater, covering 24 steps in 4.8 seconds - face first.

The Devil is much amused.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Bombay, Mumbai

Desi Husband's American Booty Call

2006-11-02T00:03:00.000+05:30

Desi woman Jasmine calls 'The Super Snake Show' on Kiss FM to find out whether her husband Raj is cheating on her. Guess what? He is. Much amusement follows (audio clip)-

Hi, this is Raj. How can I be of assistance to you? (when Snake calls him to offer free tickets to the Beyonce concert)

OK, put this message: "Dear Nikki. Thank you for showing me the ways of American love. You are my favorite booty call." She will understand what I mean.(when Snake asks him to put a message for his partner on the ticket)

Sir, there's someone on the line. It sounds somewhat like my wife. (when his wife asks him: "Raj! Who is Nikki?")

The American women, they use the mouth. You don't use the mouth. (when his wife asks him why)

No, the man does not use the mouth, the woman does. And twenty-five percent of the time, you are on the periodical anyway. (when his wife says that he doesn't use the mouth either)

But why are you laughing so hard? (to his wife, when he hears snake laugh in the background)

Yes, I'm in IT support department. (to his wife, when she says that she moved to the US for his career)
What a man! What an audio clip!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Men&Women, Booty Call

Wicked Parties & Drunken Kissing

2006-11-01T11:03:00.000+05:30

The one in which eM throws a Halloween party, wears a black sheath and yellow wings, drinks way too much alcohol, kisses way too many men, makes way too many drunken calls, drags other drunken people onto the dance floor, and discovers a new way to write -

eM: (is FINALLY drunk)
eM: (is all wheeeeeeeeee!)
eM: (forgets the rest of the evening)
eM: (is kissed on the mouth by many people)
eM: (wonders why people keep kissing her on the mouth)
eM: (thinks maybe mouth kissing is the new cheek kiss)
eM: (doesn’t want to seem like she’s behind the times)
There's always drunken kissing at The Devil's parties. The Devil must throw a party soon. The Devil must ask eM if she has any plans to visit Bombay.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Halloween, Drunken Parties

The Devil's Favorite Desi Sinner

2006-11-01T10:39:00.000+05:30

On his way back to Karachi, as he ticks off items from his checklist ("Passport? Check. Ticket? Check. Packing? Double-check. Bottle of wine? Check. Appropriate feelings of melancholy? Check. And check once again."), Atif - The Devil's favorite desi sinner - remembers his many sins from an eventful year in London -

Making out with 25 different men at Heaven during EuroPride/the football World Cup, falling asleep on the night bus going into work at 4:00 a.m. and winding up running a mile back to the office. Going to Detroit with a friend from law school and running up a £300 bar tab that was comped because I kissed one of the bartenders in the bathroom. watching a random white man dance to Nimbura in a full sari with the entire performance down pat.
The Devil wishes you the best, my friend. May you sin in Karachi, as you have sinned in London!
Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sin, London

After Months of Abstinence

2006-11-01T09:55:00.000+05:30

The night belongs to The Devil and The Devil thrives on temptations. After months of abstinence, Twilight Thoughts is tempted into first licking it and then finishing it off -

Then temptation swallowed me whole. I wet my dry lips and almost tasted the salt. My stomach did the weirdest flip flops. Cursed. Swore. Stared longingly. Should I? No! I would feel miserable in the morning. Curb your desire woman!
The Devil also does things to the imagination. What were you thinking, wicked people?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Abstinence, Temptations

Wicked, Wicked Baby

2006-11-01T09:36:00.000+05:30

The thing with being wicked is that you need to turn on the charm too - just look at how well babies do it! Ayaan is amused as he brings up his parents. An unsuspecting Rohini reports -

Height of Challenge: Ayaan trying to help me with the laundry. To start with, he wants to take the clothes out of the laundry hamper that just happens to be taller than him. Then he wants to carry the clothes to the machine. At first, he tries to lift the whole pile. After attempting this for a while, he decides to scale down his ambitions a bit and picks up a smaller part of the pile. He then takes it to the machine and puts it in. He continues to repeat this till all the clothes are moved but he gets more and more tired so the clothes are dropped off at various points in the route to the washing machine. So the end result is no clothes near the hamper, 3-4 clothes in the machine and all the rest in a long trail from the hamper to the machine.
The Devil loves wicked babies, especially when they are being wicked to their own parents.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Babies, Mommies

The Man With the One Track Mind

2006-11-01T09:04:00.000+05:30

The Devil has noticed that, on lazy Sunday afternoons, husbands have a tendency to think about beer, and wives have a tendency to twitch their noses at the thought. Kraz sings of beer, his wife brings out a lyric book, and both of them agree that Kraz has a one-track mind -

Picture yourself at home on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The Beatles are singing... and you are singing along - "...Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers/ That grow so incredibly high/ Newspaper taxis with beer on the shore/ Waiting to take yo..."

And a voice breaks through - "Beer on the shore? Did you just say "BEER" on the shore?"
Now, The Devil is more into wine than beer, but wholeheartedly approves of men (and women) with a one-track mind! Lage raho Kraz!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Beatles, Beer

Ailments are the New Aphrodisiacs

2006-11-01T01:32:00.000+05:30

Ailments are the new aphrodisiacs! Melody wants a lover because she sneezes in the morning and wants him to bring her coffee in bed! Gaurav wants a lover because he loses weight when he is dating!

Melody: But I do love the idea of breakfast in bed – so will settle for hot coffee to warm me up. And that’s why I need the loving mate, to go fetch. I promise you, my health depends upon it.

Gaurav: I need a date because I have extra-wide tyres on my waist. No, seriously, I lose weight when I’m dating and, not only that, I become more ‘beautiful’ all over, almost magically.

The Devil thought at first that both of them needed doctors more than lovers, but then read Melody's comment on Gaurav's post - How are you with getting coffee in the mornings?
Watch out their comments sections to see what happens next!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags Desi, Wicked, Funny, Men&Women, Flirtation

LadiesMan & ToyBoy

2006-11-01T01:18:00.000+05:30

Who hasn't wanted to be a superhero at some point of time? Mitali goes one step ahead and dreams up superheroes who have powers perfectly adapted to her specific needs -

LADIESMAN: Comes over with lots of booze, listens, commiserates, and encourages you to lie back and watch chick flick DVDs while he presses your feet and does the laundry. Superpower: He’s super-sensitive. Sometimes works as a team with TOYBOY, though the latter is very busy.

The inside story is that The Devil is also a superhero in disguise and ToyBoy and LadiesMan are merely The Devil's manifestations.

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Superheroes, Fantasy

The Chick-Blog Hoax

2006-11-01T00:58:00.000+05:30

Breaking news! In a shocking revelation that has set the blogosphere talking, Ani aka Gamemaster-G9 has revealed that the popular chick-blog Vishkanya was written by him and Vishnupriya Roychoudhury never existed -

So, not only is this an elegy, it is also something of a confessional. Vishnupriya Roychoudhury is entirely a figment of a very colourful imagination. She was brought to electronic life by a slightly diseased mind with a tiny bit of a god complex. Mine.
To prevent any speculation, The Devil would like to say that The Devil does exist, not in flesh and blood, but in and as wickedness itself, and is not a figment of anybody's imagination.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Hoax, identity

Breastfeeding The Little Devil

2006-10-30T22:57:00.000+05:30

All babies are born with invisible horns, but here's one who's wickedness itself. Sunayana breastfeeds The Little Devil and lives to tell the tale -

For, of course, it wouldn't do to start sucking right away, only wimpy, goody-goody babies do that. So he whips his head away, licks everything in reach, pretends there’s no milk available and in general makes a nuisance of himself. Then he finally latches on and starts pulling in real earnest. When I say pull I also include chomping, sucking with the power of a mini Hoover and other related activities all guaranteed to cause the maximum pain one Wee B possibly can. To cap it all, the horror falls asleep with clockwork regularity ten minutes into a feed and then on, sucks lazily, at long intervals, for an hour or more. Let the woman wait.
The Devil, however, has a family audience and must not write wicked posts about breastfeeding, or have wicked thoughts about it. This post, therefore, will be visible only to those who have a wicked imagination!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Babies, Mommies

The Tamizh Village Movie Formula

2006-10-30T22:12:00.000+05:30

Vijayakumar fan Prabhu provides the formula for the perfect Tamizh village movie, with three options each for the opening sequence, the sequence where the hero and the heroine meet and the closing sequence -

Heroine takes bath in the lake. What's a village movie without a lake scene? Either a monkey takes away her clothes, or her friends take away her clothes. Hero will give away his veshti to safeguard her. And comedian will make fun of hero, not wearing veshti. Hero will drag the comedians lungi and cover himself. Heroine will get fever since she was in water for long time. And at night, she will dream about hero and sing.
The Tamizh are such funny people!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Movies, Tamizh

Damn, It's Gonna Blow!

2006-10-30T21:26:00.000+05:30

What happens when four guys in a barbershop listen to the radio while they wait for their turn? They pick up a harmonium and make a hip-hop video! Presenting before you, the very wicked Vallavan (link via Chandru) -

Now, will somebody translate this for me!?!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Music Videos, Vallavan

The Wicked Guide to Bringing up Parents

2006-10-30T20:40:00.000+05:30

Your parents want you to marry? Today? Now? And you don't want to? Not today anyway? According to 'The Wicked Guide to Bringing up Parents' - to get your parents to back off from making marriage plans for you, tell them you really, really, really want to be married, right here, right now, like EducatedUnemployed did -

I agree I should get married soon. I have realised I have physical needs. I have some emotional ones too, and chocolate has stopped doing its job. I need some action in my life, if you know what I mean. I am so incomplete without the tag of being called some one's wife. I should concentrate on finding a man.
Insert 'woman' for 'man', if you are male and straight. Leave it like it is if you are male and not-so-straight, or if you are straight but wicked.

By the way, when my parents wanted me to see a woman for marriage, I told them -

Yes, of course, I'll see her. But I might tell her six months later that I wouldn't marry her because the sex was terrible!
They didn't even give me her telephone number!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Marriage, Parents

Devil's Little 'Leela'

2006-10-30T20:10:00.000+05:30

The Devil shows his 'leela' in little ways. Little n writes a little post on the little ironies of life -

I am officially the person who works the least hours in office.
But then, I also work with a balding, pot-bellied man who gets 75 missed calls in 3 hours from a jilted lover.
Bald, pot-bellied men are suddenly sexy!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Irony, Bald Pot-bellied Men

Tiger, Tiger Burning Bright

2006-10-30T08:48:00.000+05:30

The one in which Peeyush decides to check out the best of London nightlife, walks into 'Tiger, Tiger' with a pretty stranger on his arm, gets mistaken for an Italian, chats up an about-to-be-married nurse, gets propositioned by hookers and men, and spends half the night walking the streets of London -

A baldish guy walks across from the opposite table and says: "Which Bank do you work with?"

I am surprised he can tell, so I tell him I work on the debt side. He seems to be an ex investment banker as well.

He says: "I know who you are, because I am also the same."

Before I can draw any conclusions about the import of the statement, he continues further: "You see, you are trying to fit in, in the company of women, but actually you like men."
Peeyush, my friend, you should have gone home with the bald banker! And four hours on the streets of London, post midnight, and you weren't mugged! That's terrible!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, London Nightlife, Tiger Tiger

War, Emergency, Nervous Sex & Wickedness

2006-10-29T16:48:00.000+05:30

When war seems imminent, make love, although your children might use it against you!

It all started off when Amit blogged about a report in Daily Telegraph -

North Korea's nuclear test has boosted condom sales and bookings at South Korean "love" hotels," a newspaper said today.
- with a typically uncut -

When war seems imminent, make love.

"
As for blaming parents, The Devil would indeed like to attribute his (rather angelic) wickedness to his parents' hormonal haste - they had him exactly nine months after they were married!
"

Jai e-mailed to Amit saying -

Wasn't there a theory that many urban Indians (especially Delhi-based ones) born in 1976/1977 are warped and dysfunctional for life because their parents were having "nervous sex" when they were conceived - it being the time of the Emergency. I seek a lot of solace in this theory, otherwise I would have myself to blame for all that's wrong.

- and Amit blogged about it too -

Coming to think of it, I don't know any normal people born in 1976/77. To be entirely honest, though, I don't know that many normal people to begin with. Can we all blame it on our parents, you think?

Then Confused wrote to Amit -

What is this crap about people born in 1976-77? Especially about those born in 77, see how our arrival ended emergency, for fugs sake, give us some credit, will ya?
- and Amit responded with an update -

Ya, right. Like Indira Gandhi took one look at the millions of nervous little babies emerging into the world and said, "Enough, no emergency can be greater than this, let's call elections."
The Devil's thinks that both Jai and Confused might be right - sex during emergency was a very worthy pursuit, although it might have messed up the children. The Devil was born in 1979, after the emergency had ended, which is why The Devil is all angelic, and not like them!

As for blaming parents, The Devil would indeed like to attribute his (rather angelic) wickedness to his parents' hormonal haste - they had him exactly nine months after they were married!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, War, Sex

Apoo Jo's Girls High School

2006-10-29T14:25:00.000+05:30

With friends like these, who needs The Devil! Apoo wants to return to India and start 'Apoo Jo's Girls High School', but makes the mistake of telling his friends about it!
He: Man, come back. We'll get piss drunk!
Me: I can do that here!
He: Hmmm... no man, forget USA. Come here, loadsa opportunities here. Know what, we could start something....
Me: I have been wanting to start a school.
He: School?
Me: "Apoo Jo's Girls High School"
He: OK! I will take care of the publicity/marketing.
Me: Cool.... how?
He: I'll have an affair with one of the students. Once the media comes to know, we are famous.
By the way, 'Apoo Jo's Girls High School' is now hiring. Is The Devil allowed to apply?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Boys&Girls, Vacancies

Air Deccan Cancels Flight in Mid-Air

2006-10-29T12:12:00.000+05:30

Anand from Son of Bosey had to make an unintentional exit from the aircraft, when leading low-cost carrier Air Deccan unexpectedly cancelled the flight from Chennai to Bangalore in mid-air -

"Attention Passengers", came the announcement, "Air Deccan regrets to announce that this flight stands cancelled due to technical reasons. We regret the inconvenience", much to the consternation of all those on board. All passengers were then requested to leave the aircraft, and make alternative arrangements. Complicating matters, while insisting that the passengers de-plane in mid-air so that repairs could be carried out, the crew refused to provide parachutes, jetpacks, or even ladders, sparking off angry reactions.
According to unconfirmed rumours, as Anand - one of the few really wicked desi bloggers - was five feet away from the hitting ground zero, The Devil swooped in Superman-style and saved him. Both The Devil and Anand were not available for comments.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Air Deccan, Low Cost Airlines

Tamizh Student Tops Hindi Board Exam

2006-10-29T11:53:00.000+05:30

Tamizh boy Arun Kedarinathan writes about his trysts with learning Hindi and his ambition to become a Hindi professor to show the Northies that where there's a Tamizh, there's a way -

As I stood up to read... an audience would gather... Several primary school teachers would stand by the class door admiring the flawless diction and command I had over words like "kyon ki", "nahin" and "isiliyae". None of them knew Hindi but like the sole Hindi newscast on the only TV channel (it was just DD then and yes I'm from the stone age), I was pretty much the only source of entertainment for many. Some predicted pundithood and at least a few were sure that I was prequalified for a "Ji" at the end of my name.
The Devil noted, BTW, that Arun even writes his English posts using Hindi grammer, in all smalls, without any CAPITALIZATIONS. Such single-minded dedication!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Tamizh, Hindi

Bollywood Gossip & Long Headlines

2006-10-29T08:46:00.000+05:30

GreatBong gives away the Greatbong Award for Excellence in Journalism (The Howitzer) to IndiaDaily for perfecting the art of the long headline – so that there is no reason to read the news article itself - for their unique olfactory style of reporting, and for their ability to be omnipresenst, even inside the bedrooms and minds of Bollywood babes -

Unlike correspondents of other newspapers who collect news off the wire from the comforts of their climate-controlled swank offices, the reporters at IndiaDaily are always in harm’s way, right where the action is. For instance, the fact that Kim Sharma and Shamita Shetty fought at a nightspot and tore off each other’s top would have gone unnoticed had it not been for the ever vigilant folks at IndiaDaily who rushed to the spot, oblivious of the risk of being caught in the crossfire and filed a story like none before.

And The Devil thought that only the Tabloid of India correspondents did that!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Bollywood Gossip, Mainstream Media

The Worst Backup Dancer Outfits in Bollywood

2006-10-28T10:18:00.000+05:30

Beth from Ugly, Ugly, Bollywood Fugly subjects 'Disco Dancer' - one of MithunDa's early masterpieces - to the DesiFugly scanner and comes up with shiny silver belts for men, golden Barbarella boots, black calf-high socks, and capes in all shapes and sizes -

This might be jumping the gun, but I'm going to go ahead and award these pastel, be-cape-ed, black-socked monstrosities the Worst Backup Dancer Outfits in Bollywood, coordinated for both genders (so individual entries for female and male are still up for grabs)!

Any wicked nominations?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Disco Dancer, Mithun Da

Halloween Horror & Mangal Pandya

2006-10-28T08:30:00.000+05:30

Imagine this... The late 60s... You are a desi woman, newly married and new to America. You are home alone with your baby daughter one night when the doorbell rings...

She looked through the peephole, Jegasothy says, and saw a "really scary person standing outside. So I didn't open the door."

But the ringing didn't stop. One by one, people rang her doorbell. Then a whole group rang, and stood outside, Jegasothy says, "screaming at me through the door."
Abhi at Sepia Mutiny builds upto Halloween with a funny anecdote and some wicked costume ideas, including a decidedly delectable 'Mangal Pandya' -

The Devil, by the way, is looking forward to his very own Halloween party tonight, and he will be dressed as (what else?) The Devil.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Halloween, Mangal Pandey

Shoe-Shopping & Misguided Men

2006-10-27T21:42:00.000+05:30

A very confused Sagnik blames 'Sex & The City' for the feminine obsession with shoes, sunglasses and handbags -

Look at us men. If we have a lot of money we buy cars. They take us from point A to point B. They move. They are big. They can hold a lot of purses. They can hold a lot of sunglasses. They can hold a lot of women with a lot of purses and sunglasses. That's what I call an investment. If we have even more money then we spend it on a house and we all know that these houses can hold many such cars! I agree that occasionally we men have been known to spend a lot of money on alcohol but then if you're drunk enough, you reach a level so high where shoes, purses and all other things appear immaterial to you. That's us men. Ain't we deep?
Most men are so misguided that The Devil wants to spank them!

And, for the record, The Devil loves 'Sex & The City', reads Shoefiend daily and has more shoes than is strictly decent!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sex & The City, Men&Women

Alpana Pours Some, Then Bites Some Too

2006-10-27T20:44:00.000+05:30

Manish from Ultrabrown profiles Alpana Singh - 29 year old Fijian desi, college-dropout, could-be US Airforce pilot, master somelier and author of 'Alpana Pours' -

Basically, it’s like a chick-book about dating meets a wine book. For example, wine tasting is kind of like speed dating. You go in, and you find the feel for the event, understand that you’ll spend 30 seconds for each wine and feel the impression for yes or no… Wine tastings are like that. You get that general impression; some you know right away that you’re not going to like, others you’re thinking, ‘maybe I’ll walk around with you for a bit,’ and others you’re exclaiming, ‘Slam dunk, where do I buy this?’
While the profile itself is a series of excerpts and not quite wicked, the title ('Alpana Bites') and the photograph definitely are -

Wicked Meter Rating: 5/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Alpana Singh, Alpana Pours

Breaking News: The Copulation Census

2006-10-27T19:40:00.000+05:30

Breaking news! Anand Ramachandran at Son of Bosey reports on a comprehensive census launched by the GOI to gain in-depth information about copulation in different parts of the nation. The census is a result of a typo in a memo sent from the PMO, where a 'P' was replaced by a 'C' -

Apparently, thousands of census officers will have the delightful job of traversing the length and breadth of the country, collecting details on copulation density, copulation distribution, copulation of senior citizens, and NRI copulation. To facilitate the nationwide survey, the Central Government has requested the State Governments to appoint State Express Census Surveyors (SECS), whose main job will be to collect data on Human Biological Bedroom Activity (HUBBA).
Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Copulation, Census

Why Good Girls Dig Bad Boys

2006-10-27T07:48:00.000+05:30

Sudhish and Shonali on why good girls dig bad boys in their wicked wicked series 'He Says, She Says' -

He has a snarling tiger tattooed across his gasp-worthy biceps. His hair hasn't seen a shampoo bottle in weeks, and looks like its been chewed by his pet dog (who's probably called Tarantula). He wears a black leather jacket that's evidently seen happier times. And zooms about town on a wicked-looking bike. Of course, he's irresistible.

The Devil, as you know, is the original bad boy! More power to bad boys!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Men&Women, Bad Boys

The Devil Digs Wicked Brides

2006-10-27T00:18:00.000+05:30

Confused (but funny!) Female on why she wants the marriage, but not the wedding -

Ever since Sooraj Barjatya inflicted that 'Hum Aapke Hain Kaun' flick on us, he's set up umpteen Indian families for failure. Everyone expects multiple functions, a perfect family that stands in one line, dancing with an ever smiling papaji, mamaji, buaji etc. They also expect fluffy dogs that can play cricket, and sensing family tensions, can convey messages between unwilling-to-wed jeejas and saalis...The only fluffy dog in my family is psychotic and likes to bite everyone. He even pees in the house at night when everyone is asleep.
The Devil digs wicked brides!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sooraj Barjatya, Wedding

Tie-Inside-The-Shirt Fugliness

2006-10-26T23:09:00.000+05:30

DesiDancer takes potshots at the fugliness of 'Don' - Shahrukh's tie-inside the shirt look, Kareena's gold Helen-wannabe costume, Isha's lampshade-like black dress and more (link via Maria) -
While the tie-inside-the-shirt look is decidedly fugly, The Devil did find a wicked Halloween costume idea in the movie - the velvet (!?!) black suit-thing here!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Movies, Don

What Not to Do When You Woo a Woman

2006-10-26T21:52:00.000+05:30

What not to do when you woo a woman - see Silverine's classification of classroom and corporate romeos who are doomed to fail -

'The Traveling Romeo': Apparently…this guy is forever traveling and hence will drop by your seat often on the pretext of giving you Chocolates (from US/UK), Murukku (Chennai), Rasgulla (Kolkata) etc. You realize when you check the packet that they have been bought from Nilgiri’s Departmental Store. He keeps dropping in till you are gagging and probably throws his hand up in despair when you don’t return his affections. After which he probably writes to his mother "maa mein shaadi karne ke liye thaiiyaar hun".
And the fun continues in the comments section too with Iyer Eduction's 'Blogger Romeo' -

the one who keeps on asking and tormenting about your next post and how well you wrote the last one...
Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Men&Women, Romeo

Monica Belluci, Dogs & Akharas

2006-10-26T21:32:00.000+05:30

Jabberwock compiles a dozen wicked sentences written by him, which, for one reason or another, were expurgated from the stories they were meant to be in (and, in at least one case, caused a minor strain in his relationship with an editor) -

– The dogs are expected to walk in a 360-degree arc around the outer ring with their forelegs placed at a small height and their hind legs dragging along the floor; unfortunately, not all of them know this.

– "Main aap se sirf Hindi mein baat karoonga," says the muscular, Adonis-like Russian juggler, folding his hands in greeting, even as the parrots flap their wings and shriek. "Aur yeh hai meri dharmpatni, Svetlana."

– No one, not even the Outlook photographer, is going to persuade me to enter an akhada that doesn't have Monica Bellucci in it.

The Devil loves it when otherwise predictable A-listers write wicked posts!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Weird, Journalism

Oh Pinky! Oh Pinky!

2006-10-26T08:46:00.000+05:30

Presenting before you, for your early morning breakfast belly-laugh, a really funny sardar!

And, just for kicks, what if we start calling Sakshi 'Pinky' from now on?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Music, Sardar

Fingering Food

2006-10-26T08:29:00.000+05:30

In a long list of debilitating disabilities, Kraz cannot live with one - his inability to offer back-seat advice on how to improve food -

All this – lack of physical ability, confounded math, or laughably depressing musical ability I have managed to live with. After all, there is a point to which you really care about things and after that you live, you learn.

But there is still one thing that can still make me feel like maybe I missed out on evolution. All you naturalists and bio-historians out there – here I am – the missing link you have been looking for. These moments happen at the most innocuous of places – the dining table.

I mean it’s not like I can’t taste, of course I can. But I would never know what’s wrong. Is the salt less? Is there too much pepper? I don’t know. I know there is something wrong, but can never put my finger on it.

Kraz, my friend, the thing with advice is that it's best given when you don't know what you are saying! So, go ahead, just give it...

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Food, Advice

It's the Season of Blog-Breaks

2006-10-26T08:14:00.000+05:30

It's the season of blog breaks and TheBarmaid takes one too, in SuperWoman style!

I always thought that if I was a SuperHero, my SuperPower would be to control time.

I mean, sure, my hair would always be really shiny and perfectly tumbling. And sure, my legs would always look really long and amazing despite the fact that I'm only 5-feet tall. And, sure, I'd be able to reduce men to whimpering, blubbering puddles with a mere, smoky-eyed glance. (And, sure, a constant cape and bustier would do wonders to enhance my desirability.)

And The Devil did, in fact, think that she spent

the conventional workweek in lacy lingerie, high heels and smoky eyes, drinking martinis and evaluating my romantic past with snarky contemplation!
Duh, Devil!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Superheroes, Blog-Breaks

Post Coital French Curtains

2006-10-25T12:59:00.000+05:30

eM lists down the reasons why she likes smoking - at work, after work, after a meal, after sex -

There is an entire book that can be written about the way people exhale. Do you do it in short puffs? Do you let the smoke langurously escape your mouth in one steady stream? Do you do a Puff the Magic Dragon thing and exhale through your nose? Do you blow smoke rings? (If you do, please teach me, I really, really want to learn) Do you do the 'french curtain'? (Exhale through nose, inhale through mouth till it looks like a white smoke sheet between the two) And of course, there's the sexy sexy way Ethan Hawke did it in Reality Bites where he dangled a cigarette out of one corner of his mouth, inhaling and exhaling without taking it out. Mmm. Ethan Hawke. Mmmm.

The Devil likes Marlboros, by the way.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Marlboro, Smoking

Bus Rides & Multiple Orgasms

2006-10-25T09:05:00.000+05:30

Wicked woman Rimi pretends she is sleeping to eavesdrop on a conversation about multiple orgasms -

Girl: I mean, I just cannot get off. What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?

Boy: Well... have you tried water?

... long (censored!) explanation follows...

Girl: Boy, you are so tutoring my boyfriend if I fall for those repressed clueless types. You have to!

Boy: Ahh, don’t worry. Anytime. Just give him my number. By the way, that girl over there, purple and black top. I could give her multiple. I can just tell. Just licking my way up from the base of her spine might do the trick. I just know it.
The things people say in public places! And the last paragraph - too wicked!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sex, Multiple Orgasms

Rebound Boyfriend Services

2006-10-25T08:31:00.000+05:30

Chandru offers a suite of his services to other bloggers as Selective Amnesia Services Ltd. -

Rebound Boyfriend Services: My ego is vast, unbound and limitless. Whatever little dent it might suffer from being the second choice boyfriend will be negligible. Especially because I have enough experience in this field. I will console you, buy you copious amounts of coffee/ice cream and help heal your poor soul back to normal. In return, you will promise to read my blog and comment on 4-5 posts. That should in return patch up that above-mentioned dent.

Chandru, now that The Devil has linked you twice, why don't you... well... start servicing?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Service Economy, Weird

Why Women Don't Like Birdwatching

2006-10-25T08:19:00.000+05:30

Falstaff wonders why women aren't impressed by a man's ability to tell a cheetah from a jaguar by the pattern of its spots, or imitate bird calls -

It all began when I was eight. At that tender age, I was 'volunteered', along with three of my classmates, to represent my school in an Animal Identification Contest. This didn't mean that you got to rank all your teachers and decide which of them was most like a hippo, nor did it involve police line-ups and playing who popped the weasel. It meant that you'd get shown a bunch of photographs of animals and the kid who identified the most would get a prize.

Our activity teacher, a Ms. Sharma, took a distinctly Old Testament view of the question and decided that we contestants must have dominion over the beasts of the field, the fowl in the air and the fish of the sea alike. Ms. Sharma assured us that all this extra knowledge would prove useful 'later in life', though she remained vague about the specific mechanism by which this utility would be achieved.

Ah! The curse of the too-conscientious teacher!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Birdwatching, Men&Women

Welcome to the Laddoo Shop

2006-10-24T15:26:00.000+05:30

Inspired by 50 Cent's 'Candy Shop', a desi couple makes a music video called 'Laddoo Shop' -

Now, the guy is a geek, and not wicked at all, but the woman is hot hot hot!

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Music, 50 Cent

Older Men & Vampires

2006-10-24T14:27:00.000+05:30

Rimi shares her deepest, darkest sexual fantasies with a woman journalist who is... well... a little overwhelmed -

Rimi: (bites her lips) I like older men. You know? Really older men. And… I have these force fantasies about them.

The woman journalist's jaw drops. Her high-powered glasses slip down her sweaty nose a fraction of a centimetre making the (uncovered) upper half of her eyes bulge, but she doesn’t even notice.

Rimi: (with fake hurriedness) It’s not what you think! I don’t want them to rape me! Strictly speaking (knowing 'bad girl' smile). But you know (drops voice) I want them to have complete power, total control over me. I’d love to be like a slave to their merest whims... only sexually, of course.

Woman Journalist: (gulps) Er...Uh-hum... Um...

Rimi: Plus, most of these men would be married, with kids, probably. So there won’t be those leechy issues with emotional involvement. You know?

Woman Journalist: You mean, you don’t want to get married? Having children is not one of your fantasies?

And I haven't even talked about the part where they talk about vampires!

BTW, Rimi, The Devil likes vampires too!

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Fantasy, Sex

Six-Pack Abs & Hot Dieticians

2006-10-24T13:28:00.000+05:30

After he couldn't fit into his favorite flat-front cordroys, Sidin decides to join the gym -

A gym membership is to disposable income what a blackhole is to light, a Vadukut is to spicy fish curry and a Bush is to crude producing nations without democracy. These memberships grab impressionable young men and women in their evil sweaty tentacles and suck them dry till the victim is left with no personal wealth except small change and Sodexho passes in awkward denominations.

Yet, in spite of the inevitable financial challenge, everyday thousands of young men weighing millions of kilos fork out hajjar for gym memberships. And they do this with rosy visions of high impact cardio programs, macho free weights routines, six-pack abs and, most importantly, for a decent shot at the hot dietician who comes in once a week.

The Devil, of course, already has six-pack abs!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Mumbai, Weight Loss

Spam Newsletters & Haunted Houses

2006-10-24T12:59:00.000+05:30

Inspired by a spam newsletter from a legal site - "as a home seller, are you obligated to disclose paranormal activity?" - GreatBong tells a story about a haunted house in Kolkata -

Sellers should disclose grisly facts about the house, so they will not be 'haunted' later. Even if not required by state law, in order to soothe the spirits of prospective buyers and avoid lawsuits, the seller should be upfront about their home’s paranormal guests or ghoulish histories.

Unlike in US, in India it is the neighbours who inform prospective buyers and renters: so no need for litigation.
Wicked Meter Rating: 5/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Kolkata, Haunted House, Supernatural

All Blogging is Based on Deception

2006-10-24T11:53:00.000+05:30

Abhi from Sepia Mutiny writes that Sepia Mutiny is run on the lines of Sun-Tzu's teachings in 'Art of War' and Krishna's teachings in 'Bhagwad Gita' -

- All blogging is based on deception. Hence, when able to blog, we must seem unable; when writing a post, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the readers believe we are far away; when far away, we must make them believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the reader. Feign disorder, and crush them.

- Those who consciousness is unified abandon all attachment to the results of their blog posts and attain supreme peace. But those whose desires are fragmented, who are selfishly attached to the comments generated by their work, are bound to the blog by every post they write.
Even the men at Sepia Mutiny have become wicked!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Krishna, Sun Tzu

A Rabbit in the Bedroom

2006-10-23T21:43:00.000+05:30

eM really pushes the envelope in a post about... err... ahem... you know... (Ah! even The Devil blushes sometimes!) -

Sex is fun, sure, but if you're at a certain stage in your life and/or you're a little bit picky about who you allow to see you naked, there's only so much action you can get anyway. And though (whisper) masturbation (unwhisper) is something everyone does and no one talks about, it just makes you feel sadder and lonelier and a little bit more like a loser, if your Saturday night involves a Bacardi breezer and Anais Nin. It's a little bit closer to admitting to old age and death and the fact that eventually you're going to be huge and obese and your butt cheeks are going to meld into your leather arm chair and they will find you, with Cheetos spilt everywhere, an inquisitive cockroach on your nose, dead, with your mouth hanging open and your underwear around your knees.
More power to 'Sex & The City'! More power to 'The Rabbit!' The Devil is delighted!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sex, The Rabbit

Addicted To Words

2006-10-23T19:10:00.000+05:30

In a Desicritics piece, Richard Marcus confesses that he is addicted... to words -

I have a problem and the only thing for it is to confess to it and get on with my life. I don't know if they hold meetings for this or not, sort of like Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) does for alcoholics, but I will stand up in this public venue and say to you: My name is Richard Marcus and I'm addicted to words.

It's true - I have no control over this compulsion to use as many words as possible when writing something. If I can use two, even three words, instead of one, I will. Why else would there be such a creature called an adjectival phrase if we're not meant to use it?
Actually, Richard, err, you did use too many there!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Addiction, Writing

Do You Want Me To Bash Him Up?

2006-10-23T16:30:00.000+05:30

Heartcrossing - who, btw, is a 'itinerant consultant and single mom' and not a 'him' as DesiPundit calls her (duh!) - lists down ten reasons why men call women even if they don't want a relationship with her -

They have nothing better to do at the time of making the call and would rather spend it talking to a woman than channel surf or browse the web mindlessly or perhaps as an accompaniment to those activities.

The woman's voice on the phone is really nice - you know the kind radio talk show hostesses have. Its a pleasure just to hear her say anything including reading the Hanuman Chalisa or whatever else may be her religious passion.
Sweetheart, did he break your heart? Do you want me to bash him up, long distance? Or, curse him, with a flick of my tail?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Funny, Wicked, Relationships, Rant

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? It's a Nuke!

2006-10-23T16:13:00.000+05:30

It was a waste of a day, until Chandru saved it with his sarcasm (here and here) -

Somebody famous once said, "The cruelest words in English are, 'If only'". Shivam today invites people to nuke his blog. If only.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Oh no! It’s BlogBharti. And it’s got Shivam and Krish in it? Oh wow! Oh, please?
The Devil finally has his way!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sarcasm, Community Blogs

On Friends Who Cannot Stop Talking

2006-10-23T15:45:00.000+05:30

Similing Girl bitches about friends who cannot stop talking about their newly acquired fiances/ husbands/ babies-

Please! Will you guys ever learn to answer to the point?

How is life? - Going good.

How is work? - It's ok/ It's boring.

How was the vacation? - It was beautiful.

How is the baby doing? - Good.

That's all that we want to know! Believe me!
Sweetheart, if your friends read that, I'm sure you are left with fewer of them now! And how are the one line conversations going?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Converstions, Rant

Oh Yeah, My Dad is a Snake-Charmer!

2006-10-23T15:26:00.000+05:30

Sayesha uses sarcasm against stereotypes -

Yes, we kill all the female infants at birth. Except, of course, those who look like they're gonna bring home the Miss Universe or Miss World crown.

Oh yeah, my dad is a snake-charmer. All dads in India are. You didn't know that?? Really??

Yeah, it's our culture to sing and dance around coconut trees. Our ancient texts specifically mention it.

Yeah, that's how we wear a sari. We lay it flat on the floor, lie down against one edge and just roll and roll till we reach the other end.
She does become a little boring when she switches to the 'yes, but hah! strategy, but it's a slow weekend for The Devil, so...

Wicked Meter Rating: 5/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, India, Sarcasm

Mithun Da Underwear, Anyone?

2006-10-23T14:57:00.000+05:30

In a moment of Devil-may-care madness, GreatBong launches a signature clothing line inspired by Mithunism, voodoo art, intellectual bankruptcy and the desire to make a buck -

The world desperately craves for a line of fashion that appeals to an alternate aesthetic, apparel that pokes you in the eye with a statement, a collection of garments that cry out 'This IS me', a force of nature that does to the Gandhi penstroke and the Che-Bob Marley T-shirt design what Attila the Hun did to the Roman Empre.
While the t-shirts are OK, it's the innerwear with Mithun Da’s immortal 'Do, char, chaaye, aath, dus…Bus!' printed on it that is likely to be a best-seller. Fashion will indeed never be the same again!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Movies, Mithun Da

The Backroom Guide to Eating Out in Mumbai

2006-10-22T22:58:00.000+05:30

Sensorcaine takes a walk on the dark side -

I have seen the backs of more restaurants and pubs than I care to remember. Now I know what you’re thinking… get your mind out of the gutter- that’s NOT how Pickwick was conceived. In fact it is precisely because of Pickwick that I have the … er… privilege of visiting these places. Well, it’s either visiting the back room, or flashing unsuspecting customers, making them swallow their soup the wrong way. Very unsettling. And totally bad for business.

- and finds rodents, spiders, sweaty t-shirts and an innovative way to rate restaurants. Coming up - 'The Backroom Guide to Eating Out in Mumbai'!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Mumbai, Eating Out

Man Eaters Running Wild

2006-10-22T21:52:00.000+05:30

The ever-reliable Iyer-Eduction predicts that Bollywood stars will soon tire of their daily soaps, ads and reality shows on the small screen and channel all their meagre creative talents into these mega-serials on Animal Planet -

Wild On The Set: This would be a post 23:30 program… you know… the… ahem… types. Superstars on this one are quite popular with the common junta and would include the likes of Meghna Naidu, Payal Rohatgi, Mallika Sherawat and last but not the least the legendary SILK SMITHA. (We surely are going to watch this one)
Man Eaters: Any guesses? Yes you guessed it correctly. This would be a serial to showcase the biography and the life cycle of the won and wonly Rekha. Don’t miss it in case you don’t know anything about her life.
Very wicked, especially The Man Eater bit. Grrr! The Devil is wild with anticipation!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Bollywood, Animal Planet

Well-Endowed-Starlets and Amoral-News-Channels

2006-10-22T02:27:00.000+05:30

Chamique peeks into the world of Well-Endowed-Starlets and Amoral-News-Channels -

A certain Well-Endowed-Starlet who was in no real need of further exposure (pun obviously intended) stepped into the TV studio, demurely dressed as compared to her onscreen persona, ready for her interview. The producer took one look at her and barked - ‘What the hell is she wearing?’ - and instructed one of the anchors to take her to the green room and dress her more appropriately. Well-Endowed-Starlet was handed a tiny ‘inner’ that news anchors wear under their sophisticated formal jackets.
Did she do it?
The top Hindi news channel, dahlings! She’d be an idiot to refuse!
Even before I started wondering 'which starlet?' and 'which channel?', it occured to me that in a world bursting over with Well-Endowed-Starlets (pun obviously intended) and Amoral-News-Channels, the 'which one?' question doesn't really matter. Or does it?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Media, Celebrity

Confessions of a Celebrity Dog Trainer

2006-10-22T01:53:00.000+05:30

Sonia looks at Gawli and Guljar through her celebrity dog trainer's eyes -

Then at one time I was training Gulzar's dog. Someone came up to me one day and asked (imagine the shamelessness of these people!): "Can you get me Rakhee's number?" I said, "Here's Gulzar's number. Why don't you call him up and say, 'what's your wife's private line?'"

What next? A zillion dollar book advance for 'Confessions of a Celebrity Dog Trainer'.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Dogs, Celebrity