Monday, November 13, 2006

Searching for Janina, Part One

The Devil first met Janina, aka Ms Dewey, at Sepia Mutiny, when Abhi confessed his undying devotion to her -

I have found comfort in the arms of Ms. Dewey. She is the strong, beautiful, witty, articulate (sometimes verbose), and smarter-than-me desi woman I’ve been searching for my whole life. If any of you fools linger too long on her site I will hurt you.

The Devil spent some time with Ms. Dewey today and was much impressed. She is all that Abhi said she was, and more.

The first thing you notice about Ms. Dewey is that she has a low boredom threshold.

When you don't type in something for a while, she looks bored, then leans forward and knocks on the screen -

Knock, knock, knock. Anyone there?
If that doesn't work, she points to the search box -

Helloooo! Type something here!
If even that doesn't work, she throws a lasso - or a bait - at you and pulls you in (as if you were not more than willing to walk behind her voluntarily)!

Ms Dewey is also very ambitious -
Keep asking questions. The more you ask, the more I know. And soon I will rule the world. Hahahahahahahaha... Hmmm... Ahm...

Ms Dewey doesn't only have a mind of her own, she is also willing to speak her mind. Try typing in "Yo Mama" or "Ho" -

Otherwise, Ms. Dewey has about half a dozen wicked responses to your every query.

Ask her "Are you bored?" and she is dismissive -
A1. (Appears wearing glasses and writes on a clipboard) And how does that make you feel?
A2. (Yawns) Last time I was this bored, I didn't even exist!
A3. You know, you can ask me anything at all, and you are going to waste it with a question like that. Tchch.
A4. You're kidding, right? Hey Ricardo, come have a look at what this guy did a search for!
A5. Somebody needs to get a hobby, like, let's say, something interesting.
Take a chance and say "Kiss me!" and she'll Almost flirt back with you -
A1. I'm sorry. Did you think this was Because that is simply not the case.
A2. (The screen dims down) You know, we are having such a nice time and then you go and say something like that. Behave yourself and we can continue. If not... Now, do we have an understanding?
A3. I bet you say that to all the many many many virtual girls you have met online.
A4. It's time to get naked. Not me silly, you!
A5. I'm not drunk enough to listen to that right now.
Test the limits a little with "Dress up as a nurse!" and she'll behave somewhat weirdly -
A1. (It starts raining) Oh, oh no! This is couture, people!
A2. (Reads a book) They say, don't judge a book by its cover, unless of course you are talking about me, in which case your judgement will be 100% on target.
A3. So, let me get this straight. If I gained 40 pounds and dressed like a man, the academy will come calling! Ricardo, bring on the stacked steak-burger.
A4. Method acting is another way of saying "Show up at the set drunk and do whatever the fuck you want". Well, it works for me.
A5. (Flashes a pistol) I could finish you off now, but it's only the second reel. (Smiles) I had a boyfriend who liked me to say that.
Now, really push the envelope by asking her to "Take off your clothes!" and she'll suprprise you -
A1. Ok, take off your clothes. All of them. Yes, the socks too. Now, fold them neatly and toss it all out the window, ok? There. (pushes a red button to call the cops.)
A2. Well, maybe just this once (takes off two buttons teasingly before a 'video buffering' message shows up)
A3. I'm pretty sure that you can be arrested in 38 countries for just thinking something like that.
A4. Porn? On the internet? Heh! You're kidding, right?
A5. Hey, if you can get inside your computer, you can do whatever you want to me!

But ask her someting innocuous like "Eat a banana!" and she... well... misunderstands you...
A1. You know what they say about dating these days - it's a jungle out there. Sadly, from here it looks as if your jungle has been clear cut, South American style.
A2. Nerd looking through a pub window at people who actually have a life.
A3. Another guy asked me something like that once. I don't think they ever found him.
A4. There are farm animals who don't do that kind of a thing. What makes you think I would?
A5. (Slowly unskins a banana and eats it) What? I'm Hypoglycaemic!

Well, women will be women, after all!

In an interview with Nirali Magazine, Janina says -
I’m definitely not Ms. Dewey. She was just words on a paper in an audition. I think when I auditioned, she was much more normal. When I got there she just escalated into this uber-snotty, I’m-not-amused character.
When asked about her favorite responses as Ms Dewey, Janina replies -
I love the cowboy western — have you seen that one? I love the gun one, she’s got a bunch of gun responses. She has manservant, and his name is Ricardo — I had so much fun with my manservant. He just happens to be this beautiful model. He ended up being the sweetest guy, and just up for anything.

Ms Dewey is really quite something, isn't she? But, while Ms. Dewey might have all the answers at her fingertips, The Devil found out that Janina Gavankar is the real deal.

Coming up next - Searching for Janina, Part Two.

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

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