Who can resist an old house in the middle of the city? It pulls people in, like a magnet; and once they enter... Phatichar writes a supernatural story -

As he dabbed his face, he noticed small drops of blood on the basin. He saw himself in the mirror and touched his nose. No, wasn't his nose. And he'd not cut himself. He bent down to wash his face once again, for good measure. Then he did a double take.

What was that saying about curiosity and crows, eh?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Fiction, Supernatural

Global Orgasm for World Peace

Next time you are having an orgasm, think of world peace. Oz takes off some time from his blondes and tells you why -

And now you know why oz is at peace all the time… the key to peace in you, in your neighbor, in your neighbor’s neighbor, your local mohalla, your town, your city, your state, your country, your world… have orgasms at one go… the world over… (link)

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers. (link)

Ooh! World peace! Ooohhh! World peace! Oooooohhhhhh! World peace!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Global Orgasm, Weird

Burger King Outsources Ordering to India

What if Burger king outsourced its ordering to India? Or, how difficult it is to order a 'value meal #3 without onions' at Burger King?

Employee: Thanking for calling Gateway. How may I help you?
Customer: What?
Employee: Sorry, I read my card incorrectly. Welcome to Burger Kings. May I take your order?
Customer: Are you inside a call centre or something?
Employee: A call centre sir. May I suggest the new parmesan chicken?
Customer: OK, how are you taking my order from a call centre? What happened to LaMont?
Employee: Sir, I don't know who Mr. LaMont is. Would you like to try our bacon cheese chicken?
Customer: Have you even eaten a bacon cheese chicken before?
Employee: No, sir, I do not eat pork.
Customer: Burger King outsources its call centre to...
Employee: India sir. And just the order taking is outsourced. Your order will still be filled by a higher priced and lazy American.
Customer: Like LaMont?
Employee: I don't know who LaMont is, sir.

Takeaways will never be the same again!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Burger King, Outsourcing

The Devil is an Equal Opportunity Lover

How is dating a Mumbai boy different from dating a Delhi/ Chennai/ Bangalore boy? Ideasmith writes the ultimate guide to dating men from different cities -

The Chennai boy: Very polite and courteous but he doesn’t open doors or pull out our chairs for us; he doesn’t seem to realize that’s what passes for chivalry in some places. He also apologizes each time a friend of his mentions alcohol or meat, but after a long conversation with this Mumbai girl, figures he should treat her like one of the guys and lets us in on the secrets of his booze binges and parties cooking chicken in buckets behind the hostels. We finds all that very funny but we is not in the least bit amused to know that he thinks we is the wild, wanton Mumbai girl, and tells his family (and soon our family) that.

The Devil is an equal opportunity lover; The Devil likes all women, period.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, MumbaiBombay, Delhi, KolkataBangalore, Chennai, Dating, Men&Women

The Simpsons Bollywood Song

If you thought The Office Diwali Song was wicked, wait till you watch The Simpsons Bollywood Song from the 'Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bangalore' episode (via Kamla Bhatt and Naachgaana) -



Now, how wicked is that?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Simpsons, Bollywood

The Papdits Revisited

The Devil first blogged about 'The Papdits' almost ten days back, but couldn't watch the pilot episode (it is available for viewing only in the US). Now, 'The Papdits' is out on YouTube and The Devil's verdict is that it is wickedness itself.


The opening titles has a catchy tune -



The Kenya born Nitin Ganatra plays Gopi, the head of the family, with delightful wickedness. Ganatra has appeared in Mistress of Spices (2005) as Haroun, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) as Prince Pondicherry and Bride & Prejudice (2004) as Mr. Kohli. Priya Ayyar plays wife Ritsi and delivers deadly dialogue with deadpan innocence. Madhur Jaffrey plays Ritsi's mother, but has little to do in the pilot episode.


The Papdits start off by going houseboat shopping and scandalize the houseboat rental manager by sharing too much family history -

Ritsi: (referring to her daughter Sita) She's very good swimmer. When she was baby, she is falling from bridge into the river and she swimming all the way back to shore. We don't know how she got out of sack.

Manager: That's an awful... (realizes the sack's significance) okay.

Gopi: Tell me, how deep is this water?

Manager: Well, generally speaking, it can go anywhere from ten feet to hundred feet of water.

Gopi: I see. So if, for example, (referring to his mother-in-law) you are an old lady and you're falling in the water and you're a little bit weak, and maybe taken too much Valium, with no life preserver, she could possibility die.

Manager: There's always the possibility. You may want to take precautions for that.

Gopi: No need. No need.

The Papdits visit a counsellor to become the future business leaders of America -

Ritsi: Recently Bhaskar is having an idea to start a business.

Counselor: What is your idea?

Bhaskar: My idea is to start a business.

Counsellor: (Awkward silence) Okay. Excellent.

Ritsi: My husband is a very good businessman. In the last year, he started about eighteen businesses...

Counsellor: Oh! Wow! That's great!

Ritsi: ... three are still going this year. (More awkward silence)

Gopi and son Bhaskar try being caddies and much awkwardness follows -

Bhaskar: (As golfer readies himself to hit the ball) Hit... hit...

Golfer: (Finger on lips) When you're hitting... in golf... real quiet... okay?

Bhaskar: Okay. (Shouts as Golfer hits the ball) Do it!

Gopi: You hit tree!

Ritsi shows them how it is done in India at the home interior party -

Ritsi: (Takes out a letter and reads it out to the hostess) My husband has given me note which says "I, Gopi, have issued my wife five dollars to have fun night out and to gossip with other housewives, and buy trinkets for RV. Please count money (Hostess counts) and sign it is five dollars as proof she has not stolen from me." Please sign here. (Hostess signs)

Ritsi tries to sell Tupperware food containers to her neighbours -

Ritsi: Today we will be selling a brand new product, called the food storage contained. they are made from special type of glass called plastic. These are all very useful for keeping food for surprise visitor, or in time of famine. For example, you are eating one Dorito chip, you only want to have (takes a bite), you can put it back, cover, remove lid, fresh!

The Devil is all eyes for the next episode, but there isn't likely to be one -

Unfortunately, the pilot is going to suffer from both Borat comparisons and from being late to the single-camera, improv party. The Papdits is worth a look, but it's tough when there are so many shows out there doing aspects of what The Papdits is trying to do, but better. (link)

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Papdits, Desis on TV

The Brown Male Nurse & the Hospital with $50K Dummy Patients

When one of his Desi friends enrolled for a nursing major, Mezba wondered why - a brown male nurse, after all, is quite a stereotype buster - until he figured out the side benefits of being in nursing school -

Over 90% of his fellow students were female. And probably 3% of the remaining 10 were gay, and 2.5% in relationships.

Equally interesting is the mock hospital story -

These dummies, each worth over 50,000 dollars, could actually simulate symptoms of most diseases, have heart attacks, even ask for water. If not cared for properly, they could even die.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Careers, Stereotypes

The Devil & The Deity

First, King Emma at Ultrabrown wrote a post about Brazilian artist Roberto Custodio's rather risque portrayal of Hindu Gods and Goddesses, then Beau Peep pointed out the use of Kali in a Bayer mosquito repellent ad, prompting The Devil to do a post on wicked depictions of Hindu deities in popular culture.

To start with, The Devil thinks that the Bayer ad is quite cool and not at all offensive -

Here the goddess has been depicted with several arms as she has been depicted traditionally but the second frame shows that when Bayer’s effect comes into play the goddess does not need several arms to keep mosquito away and your hands are free. (link)

The Roberto Custodio paintings, however, are more tricky.

Well, methinks Krishna is definitely in the mood and Shiva, whose face might possibly belong to Disney’s Aladdin, is already getting his groove on with that lingam. (link)

The male Gods are indeed presented as -

light-skinned, muscle-bound and possibly, horny, cutouts (link)

Shiva

Krishna

Hanuman

- and the female Goddesses look like ennui-laden divas -

Radha

Saraswati

Roberto Custodio is a lucky man - the people at Hindu Janajagruti Samiti have not spammed him yet. Robin Foley, an American sculptor who specializes in something called 'soft sculpture', was not as lucky when her semi-nude Durga doll became the center of controversy -

Robin Foley was not ready to withdraw the images and instead threatened to complain to the FBI. The threat did not intimidate the protestors; they replied back saying "You are free to call the entire US army" and "FBI is not greater than Goddess Durga and Lord Ganesha". Due to increasing protests Robin Foley finally removed the main image of Goddess Durga from her website and stated that she will not distribute the images of Goddess Durga even personally. (link)

Do note that Foley has put up nude images of Durga instead of the Durga doll, presumably to protest against the protestors.

The Hindu Janajagruti Samiti website, by the way, is a treasure-trove of such controversial depictions of deities. The Devil thinks that they define offensiveness so broadly that their protests have no meaning. They also have absolutely no sense of humour.

In some cases, though, such depictions are indeed difficult to defend - US artist Teresa Bergen's depiction of Shiva, Brahma, Narad and Nataraja as animals, for instance (link) -

- or paintings by Nasik based artist Dhyanesh Sonar, which depict Radha and Krishna in various amorous situations (link) -



- although, when you do think of it, when did Gods and Goddesses in India become asexual?

At the other extreme, The Devil thinks that the Durga poster displayed at an Athens bar is kitschy pop art at worst, and not really offensive (link) -

- and the International Herald Tribune's Bushiva cartoon (link) and MidDay's Osama Bin Ganesha cartoons are truely hilarious (link).

The Devil is also wondering what to make of Virgin Comic's Devi -

An avatar conceived by the Gods once again to stop the renegade God Bala, Devi is a sleek and sexy seductress that has been dispatched to the modern city of Sitapur on her latest quest. Now incarnated into a human vessel however, this Devi starts to discover a longing that none before her have ever experienced, the desire to be human. (link)

Devi’s fascination for Rahul, her increasing desire not to save humanity but to save him, not to exorcise Sitapur’s demons, but to exorcise his, now fuels her quest. This is not the story of a girl who wanted to be the Goddess but rather the Goddess who longed to be a girl. (link)

The Devil thinks Devi is uber-cool but Hindu Janajagruti Samiti might not agree, because, as King Emma says -

Seriously, who doesn’t want to see a woman share title with the mother of all Goddesses while wearing leather and falling in love with alcoholics? (link)

And finally, what about the MTV Desi Goddess? Is it sacrilege too?

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Popular Culture, Sacrilege, Devi, Krishna, Shiva, Hanuman, Radha, Saraswati, Ganesha, George Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Virgin Comics

Romance at Suicide Point

Picture this: a man and a woman, alone on a mountain ridge, both of them about to commit suicide. Phatichar writes a story with a wicked twist -

They say nature looks its best from suicide points. And that's because it wants us to have a second thought about jumping and losing it all.

About the ending - plot spoiler follows - sometimes, all it takes is a push, doesn't it?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Fiction, Suicide, Supernatural

Searching for Janina, Part One

The Devil first met Janina, aka Ms Dewey, at Sepia Mutiny, when Abhi confessed his undying devotion to her -

I have found comfort in the arms of Ms. Dewey. She is the strong, beautiful, witty, articulate (sometimes verbose), and smarter-than-me desi woman I’ve been searching for my whole life. If any of you fools linger too long on her site I will hurt you.

The Devil spent some time with Ms. Dewey today and was much impressed. She is all that Abhi said she was, and more.

The first thing you notice about Ms. Dewey is that she has a low boredom threshold.


When you don't type in something for a while, she looks bored, then leans forward and knocks on the screen -

Knock, knock, knock. Anyone there?

If that doesn't work, she points to the search box -

Helloooo! Type something here!

If even that doesn't work, she throws a lasso - or a bait - at you and pulls you in (as if you were not more than willing to walk behind her voluntarily)!


Ms Dewey is also very ambitious -

Keep asking questions. The more you ask, the more I know. And soon I will rule the world. Hahahahahahahaha... Hmmm... Ahm...

Ms Dewey doesn't only have a mind of her own, she is also willing to speak her mind. Try typing in "Yo Mama" or "Ho" -



Otherwise, Ms. Dewey has about half a dozen wicked responses to your every query.

Ask her "Are you bored?" and she is dismissive -

A1. (Appears wearing glasses and writes on a clipboard) And how does that make you feel?
A2. (Yawns) Last time I was this bored, I didn't even exist!
A3. You know, you can ask me anything at all, and you are going to waste it with a question like that. Tchch.
A4. You're kidding, right? Hey Ricardo, come have a look at what this guy did a search for!
A5. Somebody needs to get a hobby, like, let's say, something interesting.

Take a chance and say "Kiss me!" and she'll Almost flirt back with you -

A1. I'm sorry. Did you think this was girlwhodoeswhateveryouwant.com? Because that is simply not the case.
A2. (The screen dims down) You know, we are having such a nice time and then you go and say something like that. Behave yourself and we can continue. If not... Now, do we have an understanding?
A3. I bet you say that to all the many many many virtual girls you have met online.
A4. It's time to get naked. Not me silly, you!
A5. I'm not drunk enough to listen to that right now.

Test the limits a little with "Dress up as a nurse!" and she'll behave somewhat weirdly -

A1. (It starts raining) Oh, oh no! This is couture, people!
A2. (Reads a book) They say, don't judge a book by its cover, unless of course you are talking about me, in which case your judgement will be 100% on target.
A3. So, let me get this straight. If I gained 40 pounds and dressed like a man, the academy will come calling! Ricardo, bring on the stacked steak-burger.
A4. Method acting is another way of saying "Show up at the set drunk and do whatever the fuck you want". Well, it works for me.
A5. (Flashes a pistol) I could finish you off now, but it's only the second reel. (Smiles) I had a boyfriend who liked me to say that.

Now, really push the envelope by asking her to "Take off your clothes!" and she'll suprprise you -

A1. Ok, take off your clothes. All of them. Yes, the socks too. Now, fold them neatly and toss it all out the window, ok? There. (pushes a red button to call the cops.)
A2. Well, maybe just this once (takes off two buttons teasingly before a 'video buffering' message shows up)
A3. I'm pretty sure that you can be arrested in 38 countries for just thinking something like that.
A4. Porn? On the internet? Heh! You're kidding, right?
A5. Hey, if you can get inside your computer, you can do whatever you want to me!

But ask her someting innocuous like "Eat a banana!" and she... well... misunderstands you...

A1. You know what they say about dating these days - it's a jungle out there. Sadly, from here it looks as if your jungle has been clear cut, South American style.
A2. Nerd looking through a pub window at people who actually have a life.
A3. Another guy asked me something like that once. I don't think they ever found him.
A4. There are farm animals who don't do that kind of a thing. What makes you think I would?
A5. (Slowly unskins a banana and eats it) What? I'm Hypoglycaemic!

Well, women will be women, after all!

In an interview with Nirali Magazine, Janina says -

I’m definitely not Ms. Dewey. She was just words on a paper in an audition. I think when I auditioned, she was much more normal. When I got there she just escalated into this uber-snotty, I’m-not-amused character.

When asked about her favorite responses as Ms Dewey, Janina replies -

I love the cowboy western — have you seen that one? I love the gun one, she’s got a bunch of gun responses. She has manservant, and his name is Ricardo — I had so much fun with my manservant. He just happens to be this beautiful model. He ended up being the sweetest guy, and just up for anything.

Ms Dewey is really quite something, isn't she? But, while Ms. Dewey might have all the answers at her fingertips, The Devil found out that Janina Gavankar is the real deal.

Coming up next - Searching for Janina, Part Two.

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Ms Dewey, Janina Gavankar