Who can resist an old house in the middle of the city? It pulls people in, like a magnet; and once they enter... Phatichar writes a supernatural story -

As he dabbed his face, he noticed small drops of blood on the basin. He saw himself in the mirror and touched his nose. No, wasn't his nose. And he'd not cut himself. He bent down to wash his face once again, for good measure. Then he did a double take.

What was that saying about curiosity and crows, eh?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Fiction, Supernatural

Global Orgasm for World Peace

Next time you are having an orgasm, think of world peace. Oz takes off some time from his blondes and tells you why -

And now you know why oz is at peace all the time… the key to peace in you, in your neighbor, in your neighbor’s neighbor, your local mohalla, your town, your city, your state, your country, your world… have orgasms at one go… the world over… (link)

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers. (link)

Ooh! World peace! Ooohhh! World peace! Oooooohhhhhh! World peace!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Global Orgasm, Weird

Burger King Outsources Ordering to India

What if Burger king outsourced its ordering to India? Or, how difficult it is to order a 'value meal #3 without onions' at Burger King?

Employee: Thanking for calling Gateway. How may I help you?
Customer: What?
Employee: Sorry, I read my card incorrectly. Welcome to Burger Kings. May I take your order?
Customer: Are you inside a call centre or something?
Employee: A call centre sir. May I suggest the new parmesan chicken?
Customer: OK, how are you taking my order from a call centre? What happened to LaMont?
Employee: Sir, I don't know who Mr. LaMont is. Would you like to try our bacon cheese chicken?
Customer: Have you even eaten a bacon cheese chicken before?
Employee: No, sir, I do not eat pork.
Customer: Burger King outsources its call centre to...
Employee: India sir. And just the order taking is outsourced. Your order will still be filled by a higher priced and lazy American.
Customer: Like LaMont?
Employee: I don't know who LaMont is, sir.

Takeaways will never be the same again!

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Burger King, Outsourcing

The Devil is an Equal Opportunity Lover

How is dating a Mumbai boy different from dating a Delhi/ Chennai/ Bangalore boy? Ideasmith writes the ultimate guide to dating men from different cities -

The Chennai boy: Very polite and courteous but he doesn’t open doors or pull out our chairs for us; he doesn’t seem to realize that’s what passes for chivalry in some places. He also apologizes each time a friend of his mentions alcohol or meat, but after a long conversation with this Mumbai girl, figures he should treat her like one of the guys and lets us in on the secrets of his booze binges and parties cooking chicken in buckets behind the hostels. We finds all that very funny but we is not in the least bit amused to know that he thinks we is the wild, wanton Mumbai girl, and tells his family (and soon our family) that.

The Devil is an equal opportunity lover; The Devil likes all women, period.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, MumbaiBombay, Delhi, KolkataBangalore, Chennai, Dating, Men&Women

The Simpsons Bollywood Song

If you thought The Office Diwali Song was wicked, wait till you watch The Simpsons Bollywood Song from the 'Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bangalore' episode (via Kamla Bhatt and Naachgaana) -



Now, how wicked is that?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Simpsons, Bollywood

The Papdits Revisited

The Devil first blogged about 'The Papdits' almost ten days back, but couldn't watch the pilot episode (it is available for viewing only in the US). Now, 'The Papdits' is out on YouTube and The Devil's verdict is that it is wickedness itself.


The opening titles has a catchy tune -



The Kenya born Nitin Ganatra plays Gopi, the head of the family, with delightful wickedness. Ganatra has appeared in Mistress of Spices (2005) as Haroun, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) as Prince Pondicherry and Bride & Prejudice (2004) as Mr. Kohli. Priya Ayyar plays wife Ritsi and delivers deadly dialogue with deadpan innocence. Madhur Jaffrey plays Ritsi's mother, but has little to do in the pilot episode.


The Papdits start off by going houseboat shopping and scandalize the houseboat rental manager by sharing too much family history -

Ritsi: (referring to her daughter Sita) She's very good swimmer. When she was baby, she is falling from bridge into the river and she swimming all the way back to shore. We don't know how she got out of sack.

Manager: That's an awful... (realizes the sack's significance) okay.

Gopi: Tell me, how deep is this water?

Manager: Well, generally speaking, it can go anywhere from ten feet to hundred feet of water.

Gopi: I see. So if, for example, (referring to his mother-in-law) you are an old lady and you're falling in the water and you're a little bit weak, and maybe taken too much Valium, with no life preserver, she could possibility die.

Manager: There's always the possibility. You may want to take precautions for that.

Gopi: No need. No need.

The Papdits visit a counsellor to become the future business leaders of America -

Ritsi: Recently Bhaskar is having an idea to start a business.

Counselor: What is your idea?

Bhaskar: My idea is to start a business.

Counsellor: (Awkward silence) Okay. Excellent.

Ritsi: My husband is a very good businessman. In the last year, he started about eighteen businesses...

Counsellor: Oh! Wow! That's great!

Ritsi: ... three are still going this year. (More awkward silence)

Gopi and son Bhaskar try being caddies and much awkwardness follows -

Bhaskar: (As golfer readies himself to hit the ball) Hit... hit...

Golfer: (Finger on lips) When you're hitting... in golf... real quiet... okay?

Bhaskar: Okay. (Shouts as Golfer hits the ball) Do it!

Gopi: You hit tree!

Ritsi shows them how it is done in India at the home interior party -

Ritsi: (Takes out a letter and reads it out to the hostess) My husband has given me note which says "I, Gopi, have issued my wife five dollars to have fun night out and to gossip with other housewives, and buy trinkets for RV. Please count money (Hostess counts) and sign it is five dollars as proof she has not stolen from me." Please sign here. (Hostess signs)

Ritsi tries to sell Tupperware food containers to her neighbours -

Ritsi: Today we will be selling a brand new product, called the food storage contained. they are made from special type of glass called plastic. These are all very useful for keeping food for surprise visitor, or in time of famine. For example, you are eating one Dorito chip, you only want to have (takes a bite), you can put it back, cover, remove lid, fresh!

The Devil is all eyes for the next episode, but there isn't likely to be one -

Unfortunately, the pilot is going to suffer from both Borat comparisons and from being late to the single-camera, improv party. The Papdits is worth a look, but it's tough when there are so many shows out there doing aspects of what The Papdits is trying to do, but better. (link)

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, The Papdits, Desis on TV

The Brown Male Nurse & the Hospital with $50K Dummy Patients

When one of his Desi friends enrolled for a nursing major, Mezba wondered why - a brown male nurse, after all, is quite a stereotype buster - until he figured out the side benefits of being in nursing school -

Over 90% of his fellow students were female. And probably 3% of the remaining 10 were gay, and 2.5% in relationships.

Equally interesting is the mock hospital story -

These dummies, each worth over 50,000 dollars, could actually simulate symptoms of most diseases, have heart attacks, even ask for water. If not cared for properly, they could even die.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Careers, Stereotypes

The Devil & The Deity

First, King Emma at Ultrabrown wrote a post about Brazilian artist Roberto Custodio's rather risque portrayal of Hindu Gods and Goddesses, then Beau Peep pointed out the use of Kali in a Bayer mosquito repellent ad, prompting The Devil to do a post on wicked depictions of Hindu deities in popular culture.

To start with, The Devil thinks that the Bayer ad is quite cool and not at all offensive -

Here the goddess has been depicted with several arms as she has been depicted traditionally but the second frame shows that when Bayer’s effect comes into play the goddess does not need several arms to keep mosquito away and your hands are free. (link)

The Roberto Custodio paintings, however, are more tricky.

Well, methinks Krishna is definitely in the mood and Shiva, whose face might possibly belong to Disney’s Aladdin, is already getting his groove on with that lingam. (link)

The male Gods are indeed presented as -

light-skinned, muscle-bound and possibly, horny, cutouts (link)

Shiva

Krishna

Hanuman

- and the female Goddesses look like ennui-laden divas -

Radha

Saraswati

Roberto Custodio is a lucky man - the people at Hindu Janajagruti Samiti have not spammed him yet. Robin Foley, an American sculptor who specializes in something called 'soft sculpture', was not as lucky when her semi-nude Durga doll became the center of controversy -

Robin Foley was not ready to withdraw the images and instead threatened to complain to the FBI. The threat did not intimidate the protestors; they replied back saying "You are free to call the entire US army" and "FBI is not greater than Goddess Durga and Lord Ganesha". Due to increasing protests Robin Foley finally removed the main image of Goddess Durga from her website and stated that she will not distribute the images of Goddess Durga even personally. (link)

Do note that Foley has put up nude images of Durga instead of the Durga doll, presumably to protest against the protestors.

The Hindu Janajagruti Samiti website, by the way, is a treasure-trove of such controversial depictions of deities. The Devil thinks that they define offensiveness so broadly that their protests have no meaning. They also have absolutely no sense of humour.

In some cases, though, such depictions are indeed difficult to defend - US artist Teresa Bergen's depiction of Shiva, Brahma, Narad and Nataraja as animals, for instance (link) -

- or paintings by Nasik based artist Dhyanesh Sonar, which depict Radha and Krishna in various amorous situations (link) -



- although, when you do think of it, when did Gods and Goddesses in India become asexual?

At the other extreme, The Devil thinks that the Durga poster displayed at an Athens bar is kitschy pop art at worst, and not really offensive (link) -

- and the International Herald Tribune's Bushiva cartoon (link) and MidDay's Osama Bin Ganesha cartoons are truely hilarious (link).

The Devil is also wondering what to make of Virgin Comic's Devi -

An avatar conceived by the Gods once again to stop the renegade God Bala, Devi is a sleek and sexy seductress that has been dispatched to the modern city of Sitapur on her latest quest. Now incarnated into a human vessel however, this Devi starts to discover a longing that none before her have ever experienced, the desire to be human. (link)

Devi’s fascination for Rahul, her increasing desire not to save humanity but to save him, not to exorcise Sitapur’s demons, but to exorcise his, now fuels her quest. This is not the story of a girl who wanted to be the Goddess but rather the Goddess who longed to be a girl. (link)

The Devil thinks Devi is uber-cool but Hindu Janajagruti Samiti might not agree, because, as King Emma says -

Seriously, who doesn’t want to see a woman share title with the mother of all Goddesses while wearing leather and falling in love with alcoholics? (link)

And finally, what about the MTV Desi Goddess? Is it sacrilege too?

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Popular Culture, Sacrilege, Devi, Krishna, Shiva, Hanuman, Radha, Saraswati, Ganesha, George Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Virgin Comics

Romance at Suicide Point

Picture this: a man and a woman, alone on a mountain ridge, both of them about to commit suicide. Phatichar writes a story with a wicked twist -

They say nature looks its best from suicide points. And that's because it wants us to have a second thought about jumping and losing it all.

About the ending - plot spoiler follows - sometimes, all it takes is a push, doesn't it?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Fiction, Suicide, Supernatural

Searching for Janina, Part One

The Devil first met Janina, aka Ms Dewey, at Sepia Mutiny, when Abhi confessed his undying devotion to her -

I have found comfort in the arms of Ms. Dewey. She is the strong, beautiful, witty, articulate (sometimes verbose), and smarter-than-me desi woman I’ve been searching for my whole life. If any of you fools linger too long on her site I will hurt you.

The Devil spent some time with Ms. Dewey today and was much impressed. She is all that Abhi said she was, and more.

The first thing you notice about Ms. Dewey is that she has a low boredom threshold.


When you don't type in something for a while, she looks bored, then leans forward and knocks on the screen -

Knock, knock, knock. Anyone there?

If that doesn't work, she points to the search box -

Helloooo! Type something here!

If even that doesn't work, she throws a lasso - or a bait - at you and pulls you in (as if you were not more than willing to walk behind her voluntarily)!


Ms Dewey is also very ambitious -

Keep asking questions. The more you ask, the more I know. And soon I will rule the world. Hahahahahahahaha... Hmmm... Ahm...

Ms Dewey doesn't only have a mind of her own, she is also willing to speak her mind. Try typing in "Yo Mama" or "Ho" -



Otherwise, Ms. Dewey has about half a dozen wicked responses to your every query.

Ask her "Are you bored?" and she is dismissive -

A1. (Appears wearing glasses and writes on a clipboard) And how does that make you feel?
A2. (Yawns) Last time I was this bored, I didn't even exist!
A3. You know, you can ask me anything at all, and you are going to waste it with a question like that. Tchch.
A4. You're kidding, right? Hey Ricardo, come have a look at what this guy did a search for!
A5. Somebody needs to get a hobby, like, let's say, something interesting.

Take a chance and say "Kiss me!" and she'll Almost flirt back with you -

A1. I'm sorry. Did you think this was girlwhodoeswhateveryouwant.com? Because that is simply not the case.
A2. (The screen dims down) You know, we are having such a nice time and then you go and say something like that. Behave yourself and we can continue. If not... Now, do we have an understanding?
A3. I bet you say that to all the many many many virtual girls you have met online.
A4. It's time to get naked. Not me silly, you!
A5. I'm not drunk enough to listen to that right now.

Test the limits a little with "Dress up as a nurse!" and she'll behave somewhat weirdly -

A1. (It starts raining) Oh, oh no! This is couture, people!
A2. (Reads a book) They say, don't judge a book by its cover, unless of course you are talking about me, in which case your judgement will be 100% on target.
A3. So, let me get this straight. If I gained 40 pounds and dressed like a man, the academy will come calling! Ricardo, bring on the stacked steak-burger.
A4. Method acting is another way of saying "Show up at the set drunk and do whatever the fuck you want". Well, it works for me.
A5. (Flashes a pistol) I could finish you off now, but it's only the second reel. (Smiles) I had a boyfriend who liked me to say that.

Now, really push the envelope by asking her to "Take off your clothes!" and she'll suprprise you -

A1. Ok, take off your clothes. All of them. Yes, the socks too. Now, fold them neatly and toss it all out the window, ok? There. (pushes a red button to call the cops.)
A2. Well, maybe just this once (takes off two buttons teasingly before a 'video buffering' message shows up)
A3. I'm pretty sure that you can be arrested in 38 countries for just thinking something like that.
A4. Porn? On the internet? Heh! You're kidding, right?
A5. Hey, if you can get inside your computer, you can do whatever you want to me!

But ask her someting innocuous like "Eat a banana!" and she... well... misunderstands you...

A1. You know what they say about dating these days - it's a jungle out there. Sadly, from here it looks as if your jungle has been clear cut, South American style.
A2. Nerd looking through a pub window at people who actually have a life.
A3. Another guy asked me something like that once. I don't think they ever found him.
A4. There are farm animals who don't do that kind of a thing. What makes you think I would?
A5. (Slowly unskins a banana and eats it) What? I'm Hypoglycaemic!

Well, women will be women, after all!

In an interview with Nirali Magazine, Janina says -

I’m definitely not Ms. Dewey. She was just words on a paper in an audition. I think when I auditioned, she was much more normal. When I got there she just escalated into this uber-snotty, I’m-not-amused character.

When asked about her favorite responses as Ms Dewey, Janina replies -

I love the cowboy western — have you seen that one? I love the gun one, she’s got a bunch of gun responses. She has manservant, and his name is Ricardo — I had so much fun with my manservant. He just happens to be this beautiful model. He ended up being the sweetest guy, and just up for anything.

Ms Dewey is really quite something, isn't she? But, while Ms. Dewey might have all the answers at her fingertips, The Devil found out that Janina Gavankar is the real deal.

Coming up next - Searching for Janina, Part Two.

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Ms Dewey, Janina Gavankar

Cry, Baby Cry

The one in which Amardeep spends sleepless nights, walking up and down, waiting for his baby to fall asleep; thinks about reciting poetry to him while walking ("the sound of iambic pentameter is said to be soporific"); but ends up singing Beatles songs ("Cry, baby cry/ Make your mothers sigh") and travesties of old Hindi film songs about sleeplessness instead -

It seems to me the trope of sleeplessness in Hindi film songs comes from Urdu and Persian poetry, where lovers take great pride in their romantic insomnia. It's definitely a little irreverent to play with the tradition in this way, but really, why not? As they say (and again, I'm travestying it), whatever gets you through the night...

The Devil, by the way, is humming "Raat Baaki, Baat Baaki". The Devil, as all of you know, is a sadist.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Related Posts: Breastfeeding the Little Devil, Wicked, Wicked Baby, The Backroom Guide to Eating Out in Mumbai

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Beatles, Babies

The Devil Digs MTV Desi

Launched in July 2005, MTV Desi is a music-based channel targeted at young South Asian Americans and those interested in desi pop culture. Now, The Devil lives in Mumbai, and hasn't watched MTV Desi, but it sounds decidedly wicked -

During one hour of MTV Desi, you might see the latest Bollywood music video, pop bhangra king Juggy D, Indian-fronted indie band Goldspot, and Pakistani rock band Junoon. Put them alongside American pop standards like Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake, and you’ve got a multi-ethnic, multi-genre playlist that befits the modern South Asian American.

While music is the primary focus of the programming, it’s not the sole driving force of the channel. MTV News provides desi-specific news segments for the channel, covering everything from South Asian American reactions to the immigration debate to the latest from desi stars like Kal Penn, M.I.A. and Jay Sean. (link)

So, how is MTV Desi different from MTV India?

The channel will not be merely a tweaked reproduction of MTV India. Rather, it will, like its target audience, be a hybrid, blending here and there and grappling with identity issues, mostly in English.

Interspersed among Bollywood videos, electronic tabla music and English-Gujarati hip-hop, it will feature brief documentary clips profiling desis, comic skits about South Asian-American generational conflicts, interviews with bicultural artists and desi house parties, live. (link)

Ego Magazine spoke to MTV Desi head Nusrat Durrani -

who seems to be perennially dressed in black, has a crop of unruly curly black hair, and eyes that seem to be slightly bored with ennui, till he flashes an amused smile if you say something utterly heretical

- about what MTV Desi means for desis -

MTV Desi launched with the kind of explosive charm that is so MTV, so New York, and so deliciously desi. An enormous screen in Times Square, New York, launched MTV's salute to South Asians with flashing images of music videos from top South Asians artists.

It was almost a metaphor for the way that South Asian pop culture has been experienced in the US in the past - just glimpses of it. Some of it is chaotic, some is smooth and sexy, some is lost in translation. The countdown video to the launch was a metaphor for that experience.

It ended in a lucid piece which was the launch of MTV Desi. Suddenly at 9pm, the world saw a music video by Rabbi- a Sikh popstar from India who doesn’t quite look like what you’d expect a popstar to look like. There he was, displayed in Times Square - in the center of the world. With MTV Desi, there’s a platform for him now.

MTV Desi chose its VJs to represent the diversity of the desi experience. VJ Niharika Desai, for instance, balances hosting countdowns from mendhi salons and interviewing desi superstars with editing serious documentaries. Niharika sounds really interesting and so does the story of how she became a MTV Desi VJ -

"My parents didn’t raise me watching Hindi films and what not. So I implore you, please do something more than Bollywood." That’s what Niharika Desai told MTV World producers during her audition for the coveted role as a VJ on MTV Desi. Her honesty worked - Desai was singled out from hundreds of others, eventually landing the plum job.

Not that she doesn’t love Bollywood - she does. Desai was just hoping that MTV Desi would highlight all aspects of pop culture that interest South Asian Americans, not just the traditional desi staples. Her vision aligned with that of Nusrat Durrani, founder of MTV Desi and general manager and senior vice president of MTV World. And so Desai found a home.

Durrani's choice of Tim Cash, the youngest MTV VJ at 19, for the male anchor did not find much favour, by the way -

Since Kash isn’t an American, I’m guessing Durrani didn’t find a male anchor he liked by launch time and had to go to the UK bench. I’m also guessing that he’s champing at the bit to get an American. But maybe he just wanted one of the anchors to be an old hand at MTV.

Since then, MTV Desi has added Husna Hasan -

With her sweet exterior and princess smile Husna Hasan is a surprise attack who unleashes her sharp tongue and quick wit while interviewing celebs. She's a daddy's girl who fantasizes about playing drums in a rock band and a news junkie that keeps M.I.A. cranked up while reading the latest headlines. (link)

- and Utkarsh Ambudkar -

Utkarsh is a Brooklynite of many talents; one day knocking out judges in various rap battles around the city, the next recording his debut ep Lo-fi Champ, and the very next traveling to Africa teaching beat-boxing to underprivileged children and students in Ghana. (link)

- to its lineup of VJs.

MTV Desi has played a role in promoting Desi musical talent; Sri Lankan-American singer-songwriter Dushyanti is a case in point -

After writing and singing a poppy reggaeton song called 'Many Men', Dushyanthi rounded up professionals she’d met through her modeling career to shoot a video for the infectious single. She burned that video onto a disc and put it in the mail to the programming director at MTV Desi, who loved the it and put it into rotation. 'Many Men' soon climbed the charts to the number two spot on the MTV Desi countdown.

The Devil loved it a little less, though. In fact, The Devil found it to be decidedly mediocre -



MTV Desi has also dabbled in making desi remixes of non-Desi classics, like David Bowie's 'Let's Dance' (link via Ultrabrown)-

With top-notch musicians, a visually stunning music video, a sprinkling of Desi flair, and Bowie's original creative spirit even David Bowie's own management team is calling it one of the finest Bowie remixes ever. If you like the original, and dig Bollywood sounds - you'll love the remix.

The Devil thinks that both the remix and the video works very well, albeit in a kitshy kind of way -



The Devil is wondering if there's a way of watching MTV Desi in Mumbai - and if there isn't - is it worth losing one's sanity over it. Anybody?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, MTV Desi, Niharika Desai, Dushyanti, Many Men, David Bowie, Lets Dance Remix, Nusrat Durrani, Tim Cash, Husna Hasan, Utkarsh Ambudkar

Horn OK Please, or The Devil Drives a Taxi

After watching 'Horn OK Please' (via Ultrabrown and DesiPundit) The Devil wants to take a week's vacation from work and drive around a taxi in Mumbai! Such endless possibilities for wickedness!

'Horn OK Please' is a nine minute film inspired by director Joel Simon´s journey in the heat and frenzy of Mumbai. It follows a monotonous day in the life of an Indian taxi driver whose goal is to earn enough rupees to buy the air-conditioned taxi of his dreams. (link)

The film, with its multitude of curious characters, is a montage of the madness that is Mumbai. However, even in this treasure trove of wickedness, two scenes stand out -

A rather shady looking man woos a woman in the backseat of the taxi -

Jaaneman, main tumhe dil aur jaan se chaahta hoon. Tumhari yeh bhari aankh, yeh bhari naak, yeh bhare hoonth... main chumma lena chahta hoon!

(My life, my heart, I love you more than my life. Your full eyes, your full nose, your full lips... I want to kiss you!)

- but is frustrated when our taxi driver honks the horn at the crucial moment. Such a sadist!

A shrill shrew of a woman endlessly cribs to our taxi driver -

Arre, kahan se ja rahen hain aap? Idhar se jaa rahein hai ki udhar se jaa rahein hai. Aapko maloom nahin hai kya? Arre meter kahan hai dikhaiye, pahle. Hamein maloom nahin hai kya? Hamein pagal samajh ke rakha hai kya?

(Hey, where are you going from? Don't you know the way? Show me the meter first. Don't I know your ways? Do you think I am mad?)

- until she turns into a bird (hen?) in his imagination.

Now, watch the wickedness below at MySpace -



- or head over to YouTube.

And, when you step into a taxi in Mumbai next time - take a long hard look at the driver - you might be in for a ride with The Devil!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Horn OK Please, Mumbai, Bombay, Taxi, Video

Bald Bartenders, Ultra-Protective Fathers & Nelly Furtado's Duck Dance

These two are as different as chalk and cheese. Rup (or, Rupinder Magon) has his roots in Punjabi spiritual music and Q (or, Qurram Hussain) started off with rock and alternative. Together, they make music as 'Josh' -

Josh's new song 'Mahi Ve' (from the just-released album 'Mausam') is out on YouTube now -



'Mahi Ve' is not 'Kabhi', but grows on you on repeated listening. The video is shot in Mumbai, and The Devil loved Q's wicked hairstyle, but hated the rather bizarre platform-on-the-sea dance sequence.

Here's 'Kabhi', by the way (mellow and smouldering at the same time, and the bald bartender is a nice touch) -



Josh has also done a few talked about remixes with Nelly Furtado, including 'Maneater' (Furtado dances like a duck and the video is more awkward than wicked, but the remix rocks! "Kudi Pataki!") -



- and 'Powerless' (Furtado is at her so-weird-that-she's-cute best and the video is uber-wicked) -



- and also one with Sukhbir - 'Ban Far Ke' (typical Bhangra video, but the ultra-protective father twist is funny) -



The Devil will be watching out for more from 'Josh'.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Josh, Nelly Furtado, Sukhbir, Desi Remix, Maneater, Powerless, Kabhi, Mahi Ve, Ban Far Ke, Mausam, Music Videos, Mumbai, Bombay

The Morality of Eating Beef & Raping Cows

According to a Mid-Day report, the Guna police has booked three people under Section 377 (unnatural offences) of the Indian Penal Code, after arresting them for having sexual intercourse with a cow. Cow enthusiast and eminent blogger Amit says that raping a cow is only as immoral as eating beef -

Of course, this case is somewhat complicated, because the cow cannot be said to have consented, or even to be capable of consent. As far as I am concerned, the only crime in this case is a property-rights violation, assuming that the cow did not belong to one of the three men in question. Even then, would you sue a guy who rubbed himself up against your car?

For cow lovers appalled at my inability to defend the rights of the cow in question, I can just shrug and look down in embarrassment. I'm a lapsed vegetarian, who believed that causing pain to animals was wrong. But I eat meat now, and I can come with 100,000 pathetic rationalisations for it. If the cow in this story was to come before me and look my way with accusing eyes, I'd simply say, "I'm sorry, but it wasn't me who did that to you, and it isn't you I'll be having for dinner tonight."

Et tu, Amit?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Section 377, Bestiality

He Met Her in Istanbul

Is it possible to fall in love with a stranger? Two restless travelers find out; or do they? Scout writes a wicked story about love and wanderlust -

It was her. There was no mistaking it. She didn’t wear her hippy clothes, but a chic, understated dress and ballerina shoes. But still, she laughed the same way she’d laughed that evening in Istanbul (when all I had said to her "I envy you" was "Why?"). Her eyes sparkled and danced as she spoke to her friends.

Before I knew it, I had walked up to her and said, "Well, you can’t envy me, I don’t give you the permission."

She looked up at me, slightly puzzled but still smiling. The kind of look you give to random strangers who start spouting utter nonsense. Her frown deepened as she took me in, her smile faded before becoming broader as she recognized me. My stomach did a little jig inside me, she remembers, I thought.

"You took so long to think up a come-back eh?" she said.

And I was stumped again.

"Buy me coffee, while I wait for your dazzling wit to show up," she steered me into the cafe.

Listen to The Devil. If you haven't fallen in love at first sight, it isn't love, it's children playing house. Sigh.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Fiction, Love

The Devil in the Living Room

The Devil manifests itself in many forms, sometimes as Liz Hurley, sometimes as Al Pacino and sometimes as a camel. Mukta meets The Devil in her living room (via DesiPundit)-

Since the last two weeks, I’ve been seeing a camel in the living room at night. I get up for a drink of water or to scrounge for something in the kitchen, and when I step into the living room, I see a camel.

It sits between the divan and the T.V., facing me. It’s not chewing cud, like how I would imagine it to, but it just sits there peacefully… staring ahead like a sphinx.

Who you would want The Devil to be?

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Al Pacino, Liz Hurley, Devil

Youth Hangouts & Camera Phone Capers

The one in which Domain Maximus is featured in Business World as a 'Youth Hangout', 'where people make out' -

Dude they just made your blog sound like some dark corner of Bandstand or that stretch near Reclamation.

Where people make out?

The same.

Where you went last week to test out your new camera phone?

Chill dude! I am in the office on speaker phone!

And the line about tapping phones in investment banks - priceless!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Camera Phones, Youth Hangouts

The Papdits

Guess what all the ABCD type blogs (Turbanhead, Nirali, Sepia Mutiny & Ultrabrown) are talking about today? The Papdits. Written by Ant Hines, the co-writer of 'Borat' and 'Da Ali G Show', The Papdits is finally out of two years of development hell and airing on CBS's Innertube streaming platform -

A Kashmiri family is criss-crossing the US searching for the American dream with a camera crew on their tails. Gopi, the outspoken husband and father, believes America is the land of opportunity and sees himself as Donald Trump in an RV. Their future, he believes, is in crystal. He's just not quite sure what that is, or if it's legal. The family's first stop is Mount Ida, Arkansas, where wife Ritshi tries to become one of the local girls by hosting a neighbourhood Tupperware party, and son Bhaskar has some trouble handling a job as a caddy at the local country club. Can the Papdits make a life in America? Check it out. (link)

While The Devil couldn't watch the pilot episode - it's available for viewing only in the US - do watch it here and let The Devil know if you liked it.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Papdits, Pop Culture

It's a Nose Thing

The one in which Primalsoup is not allowed to pierce her nose because her mother thought that it would destroy her only redeeming feature -

(The nose) is one thing that couldn’t go through much damage with age and allied discomforts. I mean, one could become fat. Lovely hair at age three and receding hairline by 25 happens all the time. Honey like skin at age eight can rapidly deteriorate into chronic acne by age 16 and beyond redemption by age 25. Lovely eyes at age 14 can deteriorate to thick glasses by Age 17 (while trying to max your Multiple Regression blah) and long sight by age 40 and cataract by age 58. The nose on the other hand can’t go too wrong.

She did have her nose pierced, by the way, when a "particularly gorgeous Mookutti, made of three obscenely large stones" became part of the proposition. What will mothers not do for their family jewels!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Body-piercing, Nose-ring

Christmas in Asia Minor

After The Office Diwali Song, it's time for the Indian Christmas Carol album! Boymongoose's debut album 'Christmas in Asia Minor', to be released on November, covers topics as diverse as insufficient dowries, internet dating, Bollywood hunks, corrupt child sport-stars and angels with amazing I.T. skills (via Sepia Mutiny) -

Here's a sneak preview of the madness that is their song '12 days of Christmas' -

On my twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, twelve cricket ball tamperers ("I was simply correcting the stitching!"), eleven silver names, ten minute yoga, nine telemarketers, eight Bollywood films, seven-eleven workers, six IT graduates, five minutes of fame, four Hare Krishnas, three butter chickens, two nosey in-laws, and a totally insufficient dowry.

And here's the video -



What time-pass wickedness!

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Boymongoose, Christmas in Asia Minor

Taking Charge on the First Night

Before a month-long bride-hunt trip to India, an ABCD wonders if it's OK to go all the way on the first night. Twisted DNA records the rather over-the-top macho-ness -

X: But what if she doesn’t want me to ask questions and look like I don’t know what I am doing? I think women like their men to be manly. Take charge. Decide things for them.

Me: They may want you to take charge and lead the way in matters such as taking the car out for servicing, but in just about everything else...

X: You are Americanized. Indian women are not like that. They respect the husband. They want the man to be in control. They don’t like sissies who can’t make up their minds. Take my word for it, I am going all the way that night.

And, no, he didn't get any that night!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, ABCD, Arranged Marriage

His Father Wanted to Know What Clothes I Wear

What do three supposedly intelligent, attractive, single women talk about when they meet up for coffee and conversation? Ex-boyfriends, prospective husbands (and their fathers), and bitching about their husbands-to-be, same place, same time, next year -

His father wanted to know what clothes I wear.

Did you tell him? Bikinis and shorts.

*dirty look* Hmph! We said salwar-kameezes and trousers to work.

I don’t believe this! You actually answered that?

Yeah. And then he wanted to know what I wear at home!!!

@#%$&%$

*disapproving look* I thought of saying - saree with a ghoonghat.

What about burqas - The Devil wonders.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Dating, Arranged Marriage

Return of the Desi Superman

If you thought that you had seen the last of the Desi Superman in the Desi Superman Dance Videos, you were wrong. Manish from Ultrabrown discovers some more Desi Superman masterpieces (here, here and here) -

Goodness Gracious Me on why Superman is an Indian -

Superman is an Indian! You have seen the movies. He runs faster than a speeding train. There's only one country where you can run faster than a speeding train.

And what about Clark Kent? Clark Kent! National health glasses. Bad haircut. Go to Calcutta and you'll see millions of civil servants dressed like Clark Kent!

Think about it yaar! He has two jobs. Indian! Never takes a day off work. Indian! And how does he get about? Cheap flights! Indian!

When you re-cut 'Harold and Kumar' with the Superman soundtrack, the result is Harold and Kal-El Return to the White Castle -



The Dharmendra-as-Superman clip, however, gave The Devil a headache.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Superman, Kal Penn, Goodness Gracious Me, Dharmendra

Why Men Should Wear Burqas

Now that an almost insane number of blog posts have been written about whether women should wear burqas, it is about time that someone wondered if men should. Twisted DNA on why men should wear burqas -

- Your wife won't nag you saying "Didn't you wear the same shirt yesterday?"
- Nobody will know where you are looking. Just saying, not that you will check out girls or anything.
- 'Dressing up' for dinner only involves wearing formal shoes. These events will be called 'black shoelace events'.

The Devil's imagination is vivid with wicked possibilities.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Burqa, Satire

Sexed-Up Su-Do-Ku

First, it was "The Tabloid of India", then the other North Indian dailies followed, and, now, even the so far staid South Indian newspapers are falling in line. Anand Ramachandran reviews the new, improved, tabloid-like Deccan Chronicle -

Sexed-Up Su-Do-Ku – In their crazed efforts to give sex appeal to every square inch of DC, the editors present a new take on the annoyingly popular Su-Do-Ku puzzle. Instead of boring old grids and numbers, the puzzle will now simply feature a blurred picture of a swimsuit model downloaded from the net. At last, all those who are too dumb to solve Su-Do-Ku can now enjoy the popular craze.

The Deccan Chronicle, it seems, is learning from DesiBlogging. Who wants to read boring filter blogs - err, newspapers - anyway?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Deccan Chronicle, Journalism

Donna Sonia

The one in which Mahendra Singh Dhoni experiments with his hairstyle, Shohaib Akhtar admits to doping, topless village women plough the fields to woo the Rain God and Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh are caught on candid camera at Broadbay Bar. Cyrus Broacha presents "Donna Sonia", a "The Week That Wasn't" special -

SG: So, Emanuello...
MS: Madam, Manmohan, Manmohan...
SG: Yes, yes. Tell me, do you have any view on how to do this re-shuffle?
MS: Madam, no idea, absolutely no idea.
SG: All right, all right. Show me those who have been loyal.
MS: Loyal...
SG: Quickly, quickly, Emanuello, err, Manmohan...
MS: Loyal... (hands her a pack of cards)
SG: See how we do. We shuffle, (shuffles the cards) and then we reshuffle.
MS: Oh! I see!
SG: (throws cars on the table) External Affairs - Pranob! Information - Ambrish! Defence - Antonio! Labour - Oscar! Santino! Lutiano! Paolo! Emmanuello!
MS: Manmohan... Manmohan... Madam, I am already Prime Minister.
SG: Oh, shut up Emanuello, and stir my tea.
MS: Yes Madam... Madam... (stirs the tea). Madam! Can I ask you a question?
SG: Hmmm?
MS: What so we do with the hundreds who are waiting for portfloios?
SG: Emanuello, with them we play the game of "Patience".

Donna Sonia indeed!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Sonia Gandhi, Manmohan Singh

The Devil's Wicked Smile

The Devil thinks that HappyDent ads are very very wicked. The Devil liked the first one, and fell in love with the second one -

The one in which HappyDent lights up a photographer's studio -



The one in which Happydent lights up an entire haveli (an entire city?) -



What next? HappyDent lights up Heaven and Hell?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Advertising, HappyDent

Finally! The Office Diwali Song Video!

The Devil first heard it at Nirali Magazine, and thought that it was very wicked. Now, it's up on YouTube and The Devil told you first. Presenting before you, "The Diwali Song" from NBC's hit show "The Office" -

Diwali is a festival of lights.
Let me tell you something - tonight has been one crazy night.
So, put on your saris.
It's time to celebrate Diwali.
And everybody looks so jolly.
But it's not Christmas Eve, it's Diwali.
The Goddess of Destruction - Kali -
Stopped by to celebrate Diwali.
Don't invite any zombies
To a celebration of Diwali.
Along came Polly,
To have some fun at Diwali.
If you are Indian and you love Diwali,
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali.
Happy Diwali!

And, yes, while you listen to this song, don't forget that it's a tribute to "one of the greats - Mr. Adam Sandler".

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Diwali Song, The Office

Humdum, Mere Humdum

These two desi guys have all the right moves, and an uncanny ability to make funny faces. The Devil wonders how many women threw themselves at these two after they watched the video -



Except that, they do look a little gay, these two, don't they?

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Dance Videos, Bollywood Remixes

John Abraham in a Skirt

The one in which John Abraham decides to go vegetarian and wild, wears a skirt and a crown, and looks like a wimp (via Bollywood Fugly)-


The Devil always suspected that John didn't wear the pants in his house, Bipasha did. Now there's proof.

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, John Abraham, Wickedness

God Doesn't Have a Thesis

What a way to start Sunday morning! Falstaff thinks up an afterlife where heaven and hell are merely two treatment groups in a centuries old lab experiment -

Imagine that when the Day of Judgement comes along, God will come with his RAs and hand out surveys for us to fill. Imagine that afterwards we'll get paid ten dollars for our millennia of suffering and return to being undergraduates for all of eternity.

And, of course, God doesn't have a thesis; only The Devil does!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Heaven&Hell, God&Devil

Her Eyes, Her Eyes

So, you have watched a million funny Bollywood dance videos, and half a million funny parodies of Bollywood dance videos. Still, you haven't watched it all, until you have watched this. Sometimes, even The Devil shuts up and watches in awe -



The part where he searches for 'her' - priceless!

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Bollywood, Parody

Desi Superman Dance Videos

The one in which Megha discovers two funny Indian Superman videos and wonders if she should put on a Spiderwoman costume herself -

Starring Govinda as Superman and Kimi Katkar as Spiderwoman -



Starring NTR as Superman and Jayaprada as damsel-in-distress -



And if you think that you have seen everything now, close your eyes and imagine... Govinda and NTR dancing together in their Superman costumes.

Wicked Meter Rating: 9/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Superman, Govinda

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

The one in which Chandru gives a job interview, and is irritated by the good-cop-bad-cop routine and questions on his drinking habit, his goody-good tam-brahmin-ness and his girlfriend -

No, no. I am not at all like this. I am a very good, non-drinking, non-smoking, curd-rice-eating tam-bram. I really am. I would love to work for your company and I can tell you with a clear conscience that your company is the best in its field.

The Devil loves being on an interview panel; The Devil is a sadist!

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Job Interview, Good Cop Bad Cop

The Senile Fool Meets The Wicked Woman

The one in which Ram Jethmalani calls Sagarika Ghosh from CNN-IBN "sweetheart", "silly" and "an ignoramus", all in one breath. He looked like an old senile fool, and she looked like the cat who got the cream. Watch the video here and read the transcript here -

Who the hell is the press to decide who is indefensible?

Who the hell are you to decide? What right do you have? Have you heard the witnesses? Have you read the evidence?

You don’t know the rule of the law, you don’t know democracy; you don’t know anything.

Who are the citizens of India? You are not the repositories of the citizens of India.

You are illiterate and you don’t know what you are talking about. Don’t persist in asking the same silly question?

Please don’t talk of this bull shit to me. I know what my Lakshman Rekhas are.

Please don’t waste my time. I will not discuss evidence with you. That is to be discussed with the court.

I don’t want to waste time with an ignoramus.

No, you are wrong. You don’t even know your facts. You’re trying to do big things without knowing what you are doing.

Look sweetheart, now don’t ask me to start a tuition class for you.

Wicked, wicked woman!

Wicked Meter Rating: 10/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Ram Jethmalani, Jessica Lall

Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster!

Why do atheists avoid using the word "God"? Why would somebody torture their tongue and say "Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster!" instead of "Oh God!"?. Gawker ponders over similar wicked questions and lobbies for using the Lord's name in vain -

In fact, if anything, atheists should be using the word "God" even more frequently than religious people. Kind of like how black people took away the offensiveness in the word "nigger" by adopting it for their own use. "Hey Godlover", they should call each other. "Wotup Gawd" could be the new hip salutation, heck, the possibilities are endless. Uttering the Lord's name in vain, wouldn't that be the best way for an atheist to celebrate atheism?

Why not "Oh Devil!", The Devil wonders.

Wicked Meter Rating: 8/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, God, Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Devil Picks His Toenails

The Devil is bored. The Devil stretches out his long legs on his exquisite velvet couch, then looks at his toenails and has a sudden urge to pick them. So, The Devil picks his toenails and wonders when he will be summoned to the mortal world by a wicked post.

Neha writes a wicked little story that reads like a page out of The Devil Diaries (via DesiPundit)-

It took him a few surprised minutes to recognise the rumbling all around. His room was shaking violently now, its contents flung all over the place. As he struggled to stay put, he smiled. Finally, he thought, a summon! And as a lime green vase smashed into his face, he wondered, in child-like anticipation, what three wishes he would be granting this time.

And, Neha, what about your three wishes?

Wicked Meter Rating: 7/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Devil, Magic

Shoe-less in South Bombay

The one in which Suze decides to see Bombay, is transfered from the airport arrival terminal to local train, drops her slippers in the sea, and ends up shoe-less in South Bombay on a slow Sunday evening -

I got a little paranoid that I would lose my slippers in the weirdly shaped inter-locking rocks on the corniche, so I removed them and kept them to the side. As we get up to leave a while later, I somehow managed to kick my carefully secured slipper over the edge. In the 12.7 seconds it took to fall, several distinct memories flashed before my eyes. Forks that had flown to neighbouring tables at a 5 star restaurant, that were discreetly retrieved by Sh. Days when I decided to take the quickest route down the stairs at the theater, covering 24 steps in 4.8 seconds - face first.

The Devil is much amused.

Wicked Meter Rating: 6/10.

Technorati Tags: Desi, Wicked, Funny, Bombay, Mumbai